Am I Giving My Best?

I work overnight at an assisted living that specializes in Alzheimer's care.  My job is to make that place shine.  Do laundry, clean, cook or prep for the next day's meals, and check on the residents throughout the night.  While I was working the other night, and cleaning and exploded mess out of the washer and dryer from an adult brief that got missed, I got to thinking about how I work versus how I am at home.

At work I am punctual, organized, pick up after myself immediately, and do everything on my "to-do" list that needs done.  I go out of my way to make sure that I get it all done, and that I get it done RIGHT.  Do I do this at home?  Short answer: Nope.  Reason: Nobody can fire me from this postion, right?  I thought about that for a while, as the only person there who was awake, and capable of deep conversation, was me.

Do I slack off at home because nobody expects the same things out of me that they do when I am working or serving in another way outside of my home?  We have heard the old song and dance of doing things as if the Lord were coming over to your house, but he was a man too at one point and he struggled with the laziness and lack of expectation that I do.  Do I think that a dirty house is going to be the reason that I don't get into heaven?  No.  Do I think that Jesus was not clean?  No, my point was not to assume anything about Jesus, but to point out that he knows our struggles from a first hand experience.

My heart was heavy knowing that my answer to my own question, "Am I giving my family the same level of effort that I do the place that I work?", was, No.  I am not giving my family the best of myself, my time, my effort.  I am using myself up everywhere else but at home, with the people that God has given me to take care of.  Now, how do I correct this?

I start expecting more of myself.  I don't take the clothing out the dryer unless I intend to fold it and put it where it goes, no matter what.  I do the dishes at every meal and put them away, even if it means that I have to wash and dry another piece of laundry, no matter what.  I find places for things in my home, and don't just throw it in our room when people are going to come over, that is not respecting my husband or myself or the place that we go to be alone together.  I make sure that I finish what I start.

It all sounds so simple, but when you have 4 babie.s running you all over the place, a husband in college full time, a job that means you have to carve out at least an extra 4 hours to get some sleep before that shift AND take care of the kids with no sleep because of the college bound husband....it gets very draining.  All I want is a giant nap...but I'm not going to get it.

This is a season in our life that I want to fast-foreward, so that we can go back to me being home with the kids and my husband being the one who works outside the home, but I don't know when that will be.  My kids and my husband need me now, not later, and I am going to work on giving them my best every day