This time last year, I was pregnant, and our oldest son was 10 months old. My husband was in tech school...the military version of an apprenticeship...and we were just getting ready to leave the base he was at, and head to our house for 4 days of family time! I have to say that it was a welcome time together since he had been away from us for a month and a half.
This time, he's home too, and we don't have the returning to tech school looming over us the whole weekend...yeah! I have to admit, these 4 day weekends are nice! Tomorrow we are going to have pictures taken of our big six month old, and a new family pic done too! I love pictures!
If you come to my house you will find what is important to me...Hung up on the wall. THREE VERY HANDSOME MEN! So, I'm going to enjoy my time with them...and our pictures too...and don't worry I won't be able to wait very long to share them :-)
Have a grand independence day weekend!...I will!
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 27, 2011
Sibling Rivalry
I am an identical twin, and have a younger sister and half brother. All of us have the same dad, and our brother has a different mom. Ages are 24, 24, 21, and 11. I get along best with my twin, and our sister tends to only talk to us when she needs something or wants to yell. Our brother was born when we were old enough to babysit, so we are learning how to relate to him as much older siblings.
I don't think there was much rivalry on my end. I never felt the need, everything I had was shared with my sister. My younger sister has always said she felt like we hated her...this is far from true! There was no competition with our brother, he was in another state.
Between us girls the tension has gotten stronger as life has moved on. I got married first, my younger sister was minorly upset it wasn't her turn....my twin got married next, and our sister was openly angry that it wasn't her turn....then she got married, and EVERYTHING was about HER! This has now carried itself into the pregnancy department, and this we have even less control over....but it never matters to her.
Our dad has shown that he favors the younger 2 of his 4 children. And this favoritism has finally become intolerable! It started as him calling our younger sister to complain about us older girls, then he came to her wedding and not ours, and now his "golden girl" is moving nearer to him, and it has started a whole new phase of stupid!
My dad's wife now says that the "closer bond" between our dad and sister is because their birthdays are 4 days apart! Boy, if we had known in utero that the way to our dad's heart was through his birthday we probably would have held out on being conceived....WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT! I think that is the dumbest reason to be closer to one of your children, and not the others, that I could possibly think of! That's even worse than the people who prefer one gender of their offspring over the other....but at least their odds are better...50/50 vs 1/365!
So, here's my thought...either love me or don't. And don't use things that I have no control over as your reasons for not caring as much for me as you do about my sister!
I don't think there was much rivalry on my end. I never felt the need, everything I had was shared with my sister. My younger sister has always said she felt like we hated her...this is far from true! There was no competition with our brother, he was in another state.
Between us girls the tension has gotten stronger as life has moved on. I got married first, my younger sister was minorly upset it wasn't her turn....my twin got married next, and our sister was openly angry that it wasn't her turn....then she got married, and EVERYTHING was about HER! This has now carried itself into the pregnancy department, and this we have even less control over....but it never matters to her.
Our dad has shown that he favors the younger 2 of his 4 children. And this favoritism has finally become intolerable! It started as him calling our younger sister to complain about us older girls, then he came to her wedding and not ours, and now his "golden girl" is moving nearer to him, and it has started a whole new phase of stupid!
My dad's wife now says that the "closer bond" between our dad and sister is because their birthdays are 4 days apart! Boy, if we had known in utero that the way to our dad's heart was through his birthday we probably would have held out on being conceived....WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER THAT! I think that is the dumbest reason to be closer to one of your children, and not the others, that I could possibly think of! That's even worse than the people who prefer one gender of their offspring over the other....but at least their odds are better...50/50 vs 1/365!
So, here's my thought...either love me or don't. And don't use things that I have no control over as your reasons for not caring as much for me as you do about my sister!
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Sticks and Stones
"Sticks and Stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!" You remember saying this before, right? Well, It's not true! Words hurt more than anything. You can hit someone and they will brush it off, but if you say something its there to stay.
It's usually the ones we love the most that say the things that hurt the most. We let our bosses, coworkers, inlaws, and our children say things and they roll off...but if It's our husband we lock up! It goes straight to the heart and sits there. No amount of "I'm sorry" seems to soothe the wound, no kiss is a good enough band aid...why? Because they are supposed to protect, not hurt. Say loving things, not things they can't take back.
In a perfect world...in a perfect marriage....nobody would say hurtful things. There would be no need for little ditties about "sticks and stones."
In the time my husband and I have been married, we both have said things that hurt the other. We are not exempt from such behavior, but we have learned that God is never going to allow something that tears down walls...our marriage is meant to be! Yours are too!
A pastor friend of my husband told him that if people could push through and stay together, the thing they thought they couldn't live with, they find that they can. Does it mean something else hasn't taken its place? No. But life evolves, its always changing, and so does your relationship to your husband.
70x7...we forgive, forgive, forgive.
It's usually the ones we love the most that say the things that hurt the most. We let our bosses, coworkers, inlaws, and our children say things and they roll off...but if It's our husband we lock up! It goes straight to the heart and sits there. No amount of "I'm sorry" seems to soothe the wound, no kiss is a good enough band aid...why? Because they are supposed to protect, not hurt. Say loving things, not things they can't take back.
In a perfect world...in a perfect marriage....nobody would say hurtful things. There would be no need for little ditties about "sticks and stones."
In the time my husband and I have been married, we both have said things that hurt the other. We are not exempt from such behavior, but we have learned that God is never going to allow something that tears down walls...our marriage is meant to be! Yours are too!
A pastor friend of my husband told him that if people could push through and stay together, the thing they thought they couldn't live with, they find that they can. Does it mean something else hasn't taken its place? No. But life evolves, its always changing, and so does your relationship to your husband.
70x7...we forgive, forgive, forgive.
Monday, June 20, 2011
My perpetual daydreamer
My husband is my perpetual dreamer! When he gets free time he snags my phone, or the laptop if we have nowhere to be, and starts looking. Some days he is looking up specs for his future hunting rifle, or the project car he would like to get when our boys are old enough to tinker with him under the hood, demotivational posters...for some reason these are hilarious to anyone who wears combat gear...anything that comes to his mind!
He has done this since we met. He looks things up, and when he finds something that interests him, he wants to share. He dreams of life beyond his military career, and comes up with different jobs he thinks he would enjoy all the time.
We know the location of our retirement...Montana...but as evidenced by my husband, our dreams will change with the winds across Oklahoma. If we are too rigid in what we want to do after our children start making their own way we may get stuck in a rutt ourselves.
I am thankful for my dreamer. He's always planning something. It may be in the present or for the future, but at least I'm there in his dreams too!
He has done this since we met. He looks things up, and when he finds something that interests him, he wants to share. He dreams of life beyond his military career, and comes up with different jobs he thinks he would enjoy all the time.
We know the location of our retirement...Montana...but as evidenced by my husband, our dreams will change with the winds across Oklahoma. If we are too rigid in what we want to do after our children start making their own way we may get stuck in a rutt ourselves.
I am thankful for my dreamer. He's always planning something. It may be in the present or for the future, but at least I'm there in his dreams too!
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Our Angels
Life has been trucking on, and I have had very little time to blog recently, but I got a chance today...and my mom says she needs her "blog fix!"
Life happens while we are busy doing other things, right?...RIGHT! I, again, have found this to be true. Over the weekend a little angel went to heaven, I don't know his or her name...other than their last, and I will not know what he or she looked like until I am there myself. This angel was a baby that I miscarried. This our second, the first was just before I became pregnant with our oldest son.
This time was harder than the last. I questioned myself, and everything going on around me. Was it my fault? I know that people do this, and I am not alone. But the difference with me is that I have a faith greater than our loss. I know that our child is being loved by the greatest parent in the world! Never feeling pain, or loss, waiting for the rest of his family to join him.
Why, when we lose a baby, do we feel compelled to try again? Because love conquers all! No, fear or anxiety can make the hope of another baby disappear! This is the same reason that we ladies are excited to bring our children into the world, knowing that it will not be a painless process. Sacrificing ourselves so that our babies can live! No stretch mark is too ugly, no veins too unsightly, no backache is too much, we give all we have to give...and will continue for our entire lives!
I am sad that our baby is not going to be in my arms, but I know that every gift comes from heaven...ours just got to go back early! We love you, baby B, and we are so blessed that you were here even though you weren't here to stay!
For you who have been here too, there is hope and peace to be found! Every baby is meant to be, some just aren't meant to be here as long as we would like. I hope you find your joy again....cling to it! Cry, laugh, do something that makes you happy, and continue to live! Moving on doesn't mean that you don't care, it means that you know that your purpose is still out there!
Life happens while we are busy doing other things, right?...RIGHT! I, again, have found this to be true. Over the weekend a little angel went to heaven, I don't know his or her name...other than their last, and I will not know what he or she looked like until I am there myself. This angel was a baby that I miscarried. This our second, the first was just before I became pregnant with our oldest son.
This time was harder than the last. I questioned myself, and everything going on around me. Was it my fault? I know that people do this, and I am not alone. But the difference with me is that I have a faith greater than our loss. I know that our child is being loved by the greatest parent in the world! Never feeling pain, or loss, waiting for the rest of his family to join him.
Why, when we lose a baby, do we feel compelled to try again? Because love conquers all! No, fear or anxiety can make the hope of another baby disappear! This is the same reason that we ladies are excited to bring our children into the world, knowing that it will not be a painless process. Sacrificing ourselves so that our babies can live! No stretch mark is too ugly, no veins too unsightly, no backache is too much, we give all we have to give...and will continue for our entire lives!
I am sad that our baby is not going to be in my arms, but I know that every gift comes from heaven...ours just got to go back early! We love you, baby B, and we are so blessed that you were here even though you weren't here to stay!
For you who have been here too, there is hope and peace to be found! Every baby is meant to be, some just aren't meant to be here as long as we would like. I hope you find your joy again....cling to it! Cry, laugh, do something that makes you happy, and continue to live! Moving on doesn't mean that you don't care, it means that you know that your purpose is still out there!
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
Marital "test drive"
So, wedding season is in full swing! There are the David's Bridal commercials, bride workshops, Victoria's secret has their bridal gear for sale...its a season full of hope...for the future. Statistics tell us the American marital future is in jeopardy.
Marriages are now being replaced by "partnerships" or merely live-in companions, where you reap all the "benefits" except for the most important COMMITMENT! We are showing our future children, by word and deed, that you can "have it all" without giving your all....to quote the puppet who couldn't lie, "I've got no strings to hold me down!"
It's not just my children's generation who will be affected by this...it started with my own. Before my husband and I got married he was told by almost everyone he knew, mainly those he worked with, the he needed to "try it before you buy it!". I told him plainly that I am not a BUICK! There is no test drive, he either wanted all of me, the right way, or none of me. Thankfully he was of the same mind, and ignored the unsolicited advice of people who didn't know anything about anything to do with us.
I have since noticed that this is common with military members. They will live with someone for 2-5 years before they get married. Just because you live with them doesn't mean you know them, and sadly a lot of them figure this out after the "honeymoon" is over.
I have seen a lot of marriages going down in flames recently, I am saddened for them. I pray that we begin to reexamine the commitment we all have made to our spouses. I vowed that I would be with him until death..either his or mine...it didn't say I needed to be "happy" all the time or that it wouldn't be the best-hardest thing I've ever done....but it said FOREVER he would be mine and I would be his!
Marriages are now being replaced by "partnerships" or merely live-in companions, where you reap all the "benefits" except for the most important COMMITMENT! We are showing our future children, by word and deed, that you can "have it all" without giving your all....to quote the puppet who couldn't lie, "I've got no strings to hold me down!"
It's not just my children's generation who will be affected by this...it started with my own. Before my husband and I got married he was told by almost everyone he knew, mainly those he worked with, the he needed to "try it before you buy it!". I told him plainly that I am not a BUICK! There is no test drive, he either wanted all of me, the right way, or none of me. Thankfully he was of the same mind, and ignored the unsolicited advice of people who didn't know anything about anything to do with us.
I have since noticed that this is common with military members. They will live with someone for 2-5 years before they get married. Just because you live with them doesn't mean you know them, and sadly a lot of them figure this out after the "honeymoon" is over.
I have seen a lot of marriages going down in flames recently, I am saddened for them. I pray that we begin to reexamine the commitment we all have made to our spouses. I vowed that I would be with him until death..either his or mine...it didn't say I needed to be "happy" all the time or that it wouldn't be the best-hardest thing I've ever done....but it said FOREVER he would be mine and I would be his!
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