The Shooting

Our world is changing. The weather is turning, and so are the people. Brother against brother, Son against father...and today the innocent got caught in the path.
As a mother I grieve for those parents. It's a pain that I hope to never feel, the death of a child. I've had miscarriages, but this is a different sort of loss. To lose someone who you had entrusted someone else to keep safe, and it has further made our decision about our childrens education to be at home. I know that it is not that simple for most, but our choice has been validated again today.

I know that Accidents happen, and we can't protect our children from everything, but we are all asking the question, "what kind of a person takes the lives of so many young children?" It is a vaild and complex question. There will be lots of people delving into his "mind" before the shooting, but really he is and was the only person who can understand where his heart and mind were at the time.

I know that compassion for the gunman is never our first reaction, but I am going to remind those of us who know grace to find a little for this man who obviously had some tremendous hurt. Hurt that shut out the instinct to protect these babies and compelled him to see them as one of his targets. Obviously he did not know true grace, for where there is grace mercy comes naturally.


I have also heard that this man took his own parents lives today too, first his father and then his mother. Pray for their parents if they are still living, I suspect if they are that the guilt, no matter that they didn't do any of this, is probably crippling. And, they will be hounded for any information by everyone under the sun. Their privacy and right to mourn their losses will be stripped from them because the people want answers.

To the parents of the little ones who went to heaven today, I won't say "I'm sorry for your loss" as it seems that is what people say without even thinking about it. Me, I want to think about what to say to you, and make it mean something more....I can't feel the pain that you feel, but I pray that you will find something in the near future that will start to cultivate peace about this situation into your life. Your babies left this world too soon, but they are in the arms of someone who will love them until you can see them again.

To the rest of us...Hug your babies when they get home from school today. And if they ask what happened, just remind them that only hearts full of grace can really forgive people, and that Satan wants us to hate this man, and that gives us every reason not to.

Minute Mom

Today, for the third time in two weeks, we went out as a family and someone stopped by our table and told me that my children were wonderfully well behaved. They have NO IDEA how much I have needed to hear that!

Our Firecracker is a very emotional 3 year old who wears 5T pants, for the lenth. You can imagine that he has some stopping power when he doesn't want to go somewhere, and sometimes a temper to match. I spent most of my childhood and teens working with children and he is a puzzle to me in many ways. He throws tantrums, with his whole body sometimes, and doesn't like to sit still very often. He is my challenge and his brother and sister tend to get swept along with us during the more difficult moments. But, I have been trying to work on changing how I do things and see what happened.... I had read on someone's blog that she couldn't remember her mother ever saying "just a minute", or "be there in a sec". This was something that I could hear myself saying a lot, especially to my Firecracker. He would want to show me something, and I would say "in a minute", and then he would move on to something else and I would never come see what he wanted to show me. I decided, that I didn't want to be the Minute mom. I din't want the only thing they could remember me saying was something like that. I realize that we are not always available, but I am going to try my best to be there for every moment I can be. This change I made has come about in the last couple weeks, and I think it has something to do with his new attitude. Do you ever find yourself saying these things a lot? We all do it, but I would challenge you to change your method and see what comes of it. Attention can change a child, and the change is dependant on the attention they are given. Make it good meaningful, and as fun as you can and you might just see their little hearts change in front of your eyes.

15 minutes

I got home from dropping my husband off at work, pulled in the garage and shut off the car. What's that I hear? Light baby snores from three little bodies in the back of my car! Yipee! Mommy gets a moment! I get 15 minutes, or until I open my car door and start shuffling my littles into the house, ALL TO MYSELF! Yes, I'm in a car. Yes, I could be doing something in my house. But, honestly I would rather just take my moment and listen to my babies and catch up on "adult" conversation on texts and Facebook...I know that could be an oxymoron, but I do try to keep it PG, sometimes PG13. Mommies need moments to ourselves. It's not just Naptime that we can do that. Have your coffee by yourself standing next to the sink...15min. Sit at the table and play a game of solitare while your kids are playing with their toys...15 minutes. We are not made to be energizer bunnies, we are not made to entertain our children all the time, we are not made to carry the weight of the entire household on our shoulders for long periods of time. Do we try? YES. Is it really what we should do? NO! Take 15 minutes here and there, you really do need it.

Enemies or Friends?

The parts of married life that nobody cares to talk about. The really hard parts! Things that make you say and do things that you never dreamed you would. Some days you wonder if you have made your spouse your enemy or if you are even friends at this point.

Everything comes in seasons. Nothing stays the same, and you both will change and make mistakes along the way.

What worked for your friends won't necessarily work for you when you disagree, and the idea that you "never go to bed angry" is really a challenge from seasoned marriages, and not just cliche marital advice.

My husband and I had a wonderful day today! Probably the best in a while. No, we don't fight every day, but as I have admitted before I have mornings where I feel like he takes the things I do for granted.

Today at 3am, our oldest son decided he was ready to face the day. And anticipating the current routine, I went to get up feeling slightly miffed. My husband put his hand on my shoulder and told me to lay back down and go to sleep. He said that he would stay up with him and let me sleep until I was ready to get up and then take a nap before work....It's these things that make me love this man even more.

I actually got to sleep until 7. It was fabulous! And when I headed out to the livingroom my husand had breakfast started and a smile on his face. This is defiantly how I wish the mornings would go.

 No grumps or gripes, no hurt feelings, no animosity. He took his nap, and right before he was going to get ready for work he used one of his own parables to describe what his intentions for today were...He said that steel can withstand almost any force, but if you bend it enough it will crack. He said he didn't want to be so rigid anymore in the things that he wanted, that he ended up making me crack. HOW SWEET!

If you knew my husband you would think this was funny. He likes to use mechanical/industrial things for object lessons or compares them to thing so that you can get an idea of how they work or should work...He's goofy.

I am so glad that our prayers are being heard. We are trying to work as a team, and this is a step in a great direction! And as God would have it, the Facebook page of a book Called 'The Respect Dare' that I think I am being nudged to read, this was on my newsfeed shortly after the talk with my husband today...

Begin your repairs ladies and gentlemen! You can't build a house and expect it to stay together forever. Something always needs work, and if you own a home you know that some fixes are easy and some are hard, some increase the value and others are maintenance, but they are all needed...Hehe, my husband would be proud I used examples similar to what he would have.

3rd

As a military wife I am well aware of the things that I "give up"....Familiar places and people, time with my husband, most of my own goals are put on hold,  and the ability to have a normal 9-5 life.

My husband works a swing shift. We have to be home at 1pm every day for him to get ready to be our the door by 2pm....and then me and the babies are stuck at home, until he gets home in the wee hours. And I don't think that it's unfair for me to say that I really don't like this shift.

I have military funding for school, but I can't find anyone to watch the kids in this state, so I have to go stay with family so that I know that our babies will be taken care of....And now, even that has become a challenge.

I am always in second place when it comes to my husband....well, at least I should be! But, in most cases my line number is 3! God, the military, and me.

He never has to think out how it's going to work out for him to go to work or school...I'm home. He never has to ask me if he can take the car for the day...he takes it nearly every day. He doesn't have to make appointments for the 4 of us so that they work with this limited schedule, and I don't have to take all the kids by myself. And he has never had to take care of all of the kids by himself with food poisoning during late pregnancy.

He's never 3rd! And this is because I love him, and I know how this lifestyle goes by now....but I don't have to like it every day.

I don't have to like recalls at 3am and the mad dash to go into work just so that they can tell him "it was just a test, go home".

I don't have to like waking up at 4 or 5 because our oldest is up and my husband got home at midnight and is "too tired". I have Hashimoto's disease, I am ALWAYS tired!

I don't have to like swing shift.

I don't have to like that I am over 1000 miles away from any family at all, with very few people who I can count on.

I don't have to like tornado season, or the fact that my "storm shelter" (hall closet) makes my claustrophobic self shudder at the thought of getting in there with my babies alone. Fearing that if a tornado did take my house that I might not be able to hold all of my kids, and then they would be gone, like a woman here a year ago.

I don't have to like that my dreams are so far off that even thinking about them makes me cry sometimes.

So, I guess my post today is to the Active duty, guard, and reserve husbands/spouses...

Look at your spouse the next time you feel that they don't "understand" you and see all that they do BECAUSE they understand you! It's not true what your superiors say, we didn't volunteer for this. We fell in love with you, NOT your career! It would be easier to dislike you than it is to love you, but we love you anyway...even when we are 3rd and not 2nd. Even when duty is greater than anything else at that time.

Don't take for granted that there are sacrifices we make that you will never even see, or experience, at any time during your marriage.

We aren't the "silent ranks". We have voices, and sometimes we need to be given the freedom to dream of a time when we will be 2nd and not 3rd. It doens't mean that we don't appreciate what you do, or that we are mocking your duty....we just long to feel supported in return someday.

The Fear

I have a loving, patient, kind, handsome, and quirky husband. Our days are not always good, we dont always think very highly of the other, and there are things we would probably like the other to see fit to change about their behavior...but we have a covenant.

Have I ever thought of leaving, yes. Have I ever wanted our marriage to end, NO!

In the age we live in, we are shown that when the "going gets tough, the tough get going." And generally it is straight to the divorce lawyer.

We are justified by those who tell us that life is too short to be unhappy, or that we deserve better than.....

Let me tell you what I have learned in my own marriage. Life is too short to marry someone you can't argue with, and get over it.

Even in this season of hope and joy, I am seeing the hands of destruction come down on the lives of those around me. I am not exempt from such mayhem, and am trying to keep my faith, in spite of the fear.

Do me a favor. Hug your spouse today, wether you want to or not. Kiss them today, wether you want to or not. And love them today as if you aren't afraid. Fear is miracle grow for insecurity and doubt, but faith is what will see you through.