The Shooting

Our world is changing. The weather is turning, and so are the people. Brother against brother, Son against father...and today the innocent got caught in the path.
As a mother I grieve for those parents. It's a pain that I hope to never feel, the death of a child. I've had miscarriages, but this is a different sort of loss. To lose someone who you had entrusted someone else to keep safe, and it has further made our decision about our childrens education to be at home. I know that it is not that simple for most, but our choice has been validated again today.

I know that Accidents happen, and we can't protect our children from everything, but we are all asking the question, "what kind of a person takes the lives of so many young children?" It is a vaild and complex question. There will be lots of people delving into his "mind" before the shooting, but really he is and was the only person who can understand where his heart and mind were at the time.

I know that compassion for the gunman is never our first reaction, but I am going to remind those of us who know grace to find a little for this man who obviously had some tremendous hurt. Hurt that shut out the instinct to protect these babies and compelled him to see them as one of his targets. Obviously he did not know true grace, for where there is grace mercy comes naturally.


I have also heard that this man took his own parents lives today too, first his father and then his mother. Pray for their parents if they are still living, I suspect if they are that the guilt, no matter that they didn't do any of this, is probably crippling. And, they will be hounded for any information by everyone under the sun. Their privacy and right to mourn their losses will be stripped from them because the people want answers.

To the parents of the little ones who went to heaven today, I won't say "I'm sorry for your loss" as it seems that is what people say without even thinking about it. Me, I want to think about what to say to you, and make it mean something more....I can't feel the pain that you feel, but I pray that you will find something in the near future that will start to cultivate peace about this situation into your life. Your babies left this world too soon, but they are in the arms of someone who will love them until you can see them again.

To the rest of us...Hug your babies when they get home from school today. And if they ask what happened, just remind them that only hearts full of grace can really forgive people, and that Satan wants us to hate this man, and that gives us every reason not to.

Minute Mom

Today, for the third time in two weeks, we went out as a family and someone stopped by our table and told me that my children were wonderfully well behaved. They have NO IDEA how much I have needed to hear that!

Our Firecracker is a very emotional 3 year old who wears 5T pants, for the lenth. You can imagine that he has some stopping power when he doesn't want to go somewhere, and sometimes a temper to match. I spent most of my childhood and teens working with children and he is a puzzle to me in many ways. He throws tantrums, with his whole body sometimes, and doesn't like to sit still very often. He is my challenge and his brother and sister tend to get swept along with us during the more difficult moments. But, I have been trying to work on changing how I do things and see what happened.... I had read on someone's blog that she couldn't remember her mother ever saying "just a minute", or "be there in a sec". This was something that I could hear myself saying a lot, especially to my Firecracker. He would want to show me something, and I would say "in a minute", and then he would move on to something else and I would never come see what he wanted to show me. I decided, that I didn't want to be the Minute mom. I din't want the only thing they could remember me saying was something like that. I realize that we are not always available, but I am going to try my best to be there for every moment I can be. This change I made has come about in the last couple weeks, and I think it has something to do with his new attitude. Do you ever find yourself saying these things a lot? We all do it, but I would challenge you to change your method and see what comes of it. Attention can change a child, and the change is dependant on the attention they are given. Make it good meaningful, and as fun as you can and you might just see their little hearts change in front of your eyes.

15 minutes

I got home from dropping my husband off at work, pulled in the garage and shut off the car. What's that I hear? Light baby snores from three little bodies in the back of my car! Yipee! Mommy gets a moment! I get 15 minutes, or until I open my car door and start shuffling my littles into the house, ALL TO MYSELF! Yes, I'm in a car. Yes, I could be doing something in my house. But, honestly I would rather just take my moment and listen to my babies and catch up on "adult" conversation on texts and Facebook...I know that could be an oxymoron, but I do try to keep it PG, sometimes PG13. Mommies need moments to ourselves. It's not just Naptime that we can do that. Have your coffee by yourself standing next to the sink...15min. Sit at the table and play a game of solitare while your kids are playing with their toys...15 minutes. We are not made to be energizer bunnies, we are not made to entertain our children all the time, we are not made to carry the weight of the entire household on our shoulders for long periods of time. Do we try? YES. Is it really what we should do? NO! Take 15 minutes here and there, you really do need it.

Enemies or Friends?

The parts of married life that nobody cares to talk about. The really hard parts! Things that make you say and do things that you never dreamed you would. Some days you wonder if you have made your spouse your enemy or if you are even friends at this point.

Everything comes in seasons. Nothing stays the same, and you both will change and make mistakes along the way.

What worked for your friends won't necessarily work for you when you disagree, and the idea that you "never go to bed angry" is really a challenge from seasoned marriages, and not just cliche marital advice.

My husband and I had a wonderful day today! Probably the best in a while. No, we don't fight every day, but as I have admitted before I have mornings where I feel like he takes the things I do for granted.

Today at 3am, our oldest son decided he was ready to face the day. And anticipating the current routine, I went to get up feeling slightly miffed. My husband put his hand on my shoulder and told me to lay back down and go to sleep. He said that he would stay up with him and let me sleep until I was ready to get up and then take a nap before work....It's these things that make me love this man even more.

I actually got to sleep until 7. It was fabulous! And when I headed out to the livingroom my husand had breakfast started and a smile on his face. This is defiantly how I wish the mornings would go.

 No grumps or gripes, no hurt feelings, no animosity. He took his nap, and right before he was going to get ready for work he used one of his own parables to describe what his intentions for today were...He said that steel can withstand almost any force, but if you bend it enough it will crack. He said he didn't want to be so rigid anymore in the things that he wanted, that he ended up making me crack. HOW SWEET!

If you knew my husband you would think this was funny. He likes to use mechanical/industrial things for object lessons or compares them to thing so that you can get an idea of how they work or should work...He's goofy.

I am so glad that our prayers are being heard. We are trying to work as a team, and this is a step in a great direction! And as God would have it, the Facebook page of a book Called 'The Respect Dare' that I think I am being nudged to read, this was on my newsfeed shortly after the talk with my husband today...

Begin your repairs ladies and gentlemen! You can't build a house and expect it to stay together forever. Something always needs work, and if you own a home you know that some fixes are easy and some are hard, some increase the value and others are maintenance, but they are all needed...Hehe, my husband would be proud I used examples similar to what he would have.

3rd

As a military wife I am well aware of the things that I "give up"....Familiar places and people, time with my husband, most of my own goals are put on hold,  and the ability to have a normal 9-5 life.

My husband works a swing shift. We have to be home at 1pm every day for him to get ready to be our the door by 2pm....and then me and the babies are stuck at home, until he gets home in the wee hours. And I don't think that it's unfair for me to say that I really don't like this shift.

I have military funding for school, but I can't find anyone to watch the kids in this state, so I have to go stay with family so that I know that our babies will be taken care of....And now, even that has become a challenge.

I am always in second place when it comes to my husband....well, at least I should be! But, in most cases my line number is 3! God, the military, and me.

He never has to think out how it's going to work out for him to go to work or school...I'm home. He never has to ask me if he can take the car for the day...he takes it nearly every day. He doesn't have to make appointments for the 4 of us so that they work with this limited schedule, and I don't have to take all the kids by myself. And he has never had to take care of all of the kids by himself with food poisoning during late pregnancy.

He's never 3rd! And this is because I love him, and I know how this lifestyle goes by now....but I don't have to like it every day.

I don't have to like recalls at 3am and the mad dash to go into work just so that they can tell him "it was just a test, go home".

I don't have to like waking up at 4 or 5 because our oldest is up and my husband got home at midnight and is "too tired". I have Hashimoto's disease, I am ALWAYS tired!

I don't have to like swing shift.

I don't have to like that I am over 1000 miles away from any family at all, with very few people who I can count on.

I don't have to like tornado season, or the fact that my "storm shelter" (hall closet) makes my claustrophobic self shudder at the thought of getting in there with my babies alone. Fearing that if a tornado did take my house that I might not be able to hold all of my kids, and then they would be gone, like a woman here a year ago.

I don't have to like that my dreams are so far off that even thinking about them makes me cry sometimes.

So, I guess my post today is to the Active duty, guard, and reserve husbands/spouses...

Look at your spouse the next time you feel that they don't "understand" you and see all that they do BECAUSE they understand you! It's not true what your superiors say, we didn't volunteer for this. We fell in love with you, NOT your career! It would be easier to dislike you than it is to love you, but we love you anyway...even when we are 3rd and not 2nd. Even when duty is greater than anything else at that time.

Don't take for granted that there are sacrifices we make that you will never even see, or experience, at any time during your marriage.

We aren't the "silent ranks". We have voices, and sometimes we need to be given the freedom to dream of a time when we will be 2nd and not 3rd. It doens't mean that we don't appreciate what you do, or that we are mocking your duty....we just long to feel supported in return someday.

The Fear

I have a loving, patient, kind, handsome, and quirky husband. Our days are not always good, we dont always think very highly of the other, and there are things we would probably like the other to see fit to change about their behavior...but we have a covenant.

Have I ever thought of leaving, yes. Have I ever wanted our marriage to end, NO!

In the age we live in, we are shown that when the "going gets tough, the tough get going." And generally it is straight to the divorce lawyer.

We are justified by those who tell us that life is too short to be unhappy, or that we deserve better than.....

Let me tell you what I have learned in my own marriage. Life is too short to marry someone you can't argue with, and get over it.

Even in this season of hope and joy, I am seeing the hands of destruction come down on the lives of those around me. I am not exempt from such mayhem, and am trying to keep my faith, in spite of the fear.

Do me a favor. Hug your spouse today, wether you want to or not. Kiss them today, wether you want to or not. And love them today as if you aren't afraid. Fear is miracle grow for insecurity and doubt, but faith is what will see you through.

I'm making a Build!

Tonight my oldest spent his post dinner time "making a build" as he put it.  His three year old vocabulary likes to leave out those very descriptive "ing" parts.

Red, blue, green, yellow. 1 knob, two knobs, 4 knobs. build them up, and take them down. Group them by number, and group them by whatever pattern he chose. Oops! They would Fall and he'd catch one. and the others would tumble.

Some days I feel like those blocks...

Classified by the way I look, act, feel, and the things I say. Built up, and torn down. Put into place without rhyme or reason. Falling, but only a piece of myself is caught before the others just disappear.

I know that God has already written my story. I know that his plans are perfect. I know that I don't have to "understand" everything....and I need to remind myself of this, and not just my husband...I know that I am constantly being molded into the person he wants me to be. He is making a "Build" for his glory and purpose.

I am trying...and I imagine that the trying was my first mistake...to handle things, but they keep getting more tangled.

I am worried...and as someone put it at church, worry means you don't trust that God is working fast enough...that things won't ever feel right again.

I am tired...which I imagine is exactly what God's purpose was, because if I'm too tired to worry or "try" then he has the reigns...yep, I'm just tired!

In the season of thanksgiving...I am tired, and I am watching and waiting while God makes a BUILD!

To Nickname, or not to Nickname...

I never had an offical "nickname" as a child. I got called by my twin sister's name, or "twin", anad "half dime" or "Nickle" by my papaw. But, nothing that could be deemed a consistent nickname. I guess I'm just plain Nicole!

But, as my children are growing, I am starting to call them things in my head. No, nothing mean. Just little things that describe their personality and remind me of them.

My oldest is my Fire Cracker! He's 3, and 46 lbs and 45in of pure activity! He has a bit of a temper, and is the king of throwing himself on the floor and using all of his 46 lbs to his advantage. When he stops you STOP!

My middle, and second, son is my Sassy Pants. Yes, sassy pants, meaning that he back talks more and far earlier than his brother ever did. If I say "no", he screams it back at me. If I don't let him have that pen he found in his daddy's uniform pocket, you would think that I had hurt him. If he doesn't want it, he throws it!

My daughter is our Pepper! This one is part family decided because of her middle name which sounds like "cayenne", and other part current personality. At 6 mo old she can go from sweet to spicy in no time! You know, sugar and spice and everything nice? Heavy on the spice part! I guess we know what our little girl is made of.

Someone told me that she just loves budding personalities. I have to admit that I love them too. Not only becuase they are my babies, but because I am seeing things that make them different. And these little names that I call them in my head, may become their nicknames very soon.

 My babies have spirit.....yes they do.....my babies have spirit..... how bout you?

From Pumpkin Guts, to New Beef Cuts

As, you can see my quick trip to the Commisary today scored me and my family some of the first pumpkins of the season! Fall is absolutely my favorite season! I love the colors, smells, and the produce.

Pumpkin. What a wonderful vegetable, and with a 6mo old in our house who is being introduced to all kinds of veggie purees, this gives me an excuse to snag them and cook them up. Although my husband won't complain, as he reaps the benefits of these little beauties too.

I'm so glad we ran on base today!

One perk of the commisary is that meat is a good price, but today I decided to check the reduced meat section. I found a cut of meat that I have never seen, or cooked before....Beef Cheek! Yes, I realize that cows have cheeks, but I didn't stop to think that is was something that you could ask the butcher for.

All my searching came up with one...only ONE...cooking option, Braised. This is fine, as my knowledge of braising meat is quite limited, so I may as well learn it on this. My husband is actually reall intrigued by it, and seemed to think that it's going to be a wonderful experiment....I guess, here goes nothing!

When Real life meets the blog world

So, I have been inspired! Not by any person that I can see, or touch...today anyway...but by a blog that I ran across. The Ugly Homemaker is the name.

Many times blog posts can make everyone else seem like they live in Utopia, and because you have a hard time keeping up with everything that it appears they do while they brush their teeth, you must not be cut from the same cloth. Let me tell you, life happens at our house!

 I get upset with my children and my husband, regularly. I don't like dishes, though I love to cook, and I ask my husband very sweetly every chance I get to do a load for me....PRETTY PLEASE! My laundry is my my never ending story. My oldest is a firecracker who throws lovely tantrums and has started to bite when he gets angry. My middle son loves, "NO", and throws his food on the floor if he doesn't like it. Our daughter is a mommy's girl, and so far very quiet, but I am nursing her so there are moments where I just pray that my older two don't figure out that I left that pen on the counter until I can go get it. And our dog is a devout coward who hates to be outside for more than 1 minute if it is over 68 degrees....we live in OK, all summer it is far above that!

Real life happens! Messes, bumps, and burnt bread. It's never as calm and organized as we want. The garbage doesn't get taken out, you spill coffee on your white rug, and you are doing preschool with a little one who has a resistance to sitting still.

I prefer real life! I love my babies and my husband. We play, we eat, we fight, we get over it! I am blessed beyond all measure!

I actually ran across a little thinkg that I loved and printed off to put in my kitchen....

1st Month of Preschool

Before we had our first child, my husband and I decided that homeschooling was what we wanted for our babies. We both were not satisfied with our experiences in public school as children, and driving past some of the inner city schools, that we are zoned for, it appears that our children will be attending school in a refurbished prison. No kidding, bars on all the windows, brick building, with 8' fences around their play yard. That is NOT what we wanted for our kids.

I started researching homeschool preschool options last year, and I was introduced to ABC Jesus Loves Me. We have been working pretty closely to their curriculum, substituing things that work better for our very busy 3yr old boy.

It has been quite a first month. 2 rounds of sickness, various appointments that interfered with our school schedule, and many other snafus. But, in spite of it all, He has learned! I can see it, and hear it!

My "baby" is talking clearer, asking to "do school", and singing songs. He is a little more patient, and he finally lets me read whole books to him without ripping them out of my hand so that he can "read" them himself. He has discovered the difference between day and night, and he knows "Jesus loves me!", I am one proud momma!

So far his favorite is alphabet work, and he likes the interactive programs that help him to make the letter sounds. And his second favorite activity is art.

I just found some printables that I think he is going to love for next week. One is a Big/Little alphabet matching game, and Dot marker sheets that are fall themed.

I am so glad that God put it in our hearts to teach our children at home! I am astonished by our kids, and how I can be enough for them, even when it comes to their education. His joy in learning makes me feel like a much better mom than I have feeling I was.

On my OWN

I moved from my home when I was 19, and became a live-in nanny for two years. Met my soldier, and got married 3mo after I stopped nannying. And we have been at a base over 1000 miles from any family for almost 4 years.

If we want to see them....we DRIVE! Yes, some of the family from both sides have come to our house and I am very thankful that they feel we were important enough to visit. But, I guess things change.

I talked to one of my family today about my husband possibly deploying within the next 12mo. She was a military spouse, and I appreciate her years of experience, but she REALLY hurt me today!

She told me that she thought my kids and my presence would be a strain on someone else's marriage and potentially my relationships with them and a few other people....WHAT!

I never thought that I was a burden or a sponge before...but I guess I am. I refuse to go where my kids and I are not wanted and even though she was "very sorry she hurt my feelings", there are some things that you say or imply that cannot be undone.

She talked about how having her mother come live with them when they were in the military was such a blessing because she watched the kids, as if I would somehow see how that made her a burden, but that it got harder as her health started failing....no CRAP! People get old!

I am 25, I have three kids 3 and under...but I am not going to make other people watch my kids. I will pay people to do it that WANT to!

I guess, as it seems right now, I only have two options. 1-stay here and be alone with my babies for 6 or 7 mo OR 2- Ask my in-laws if they feel that we would be a burden if we stayed with them. I have never felt more unloved by anyone in my whole life!

How do you go from being wanted to being unwanted when you aren't even around these people but once a year?

Our Share

For a while now I have felt that I couldn't write about marriage because, honestly, things were quite rough. I know that there are ups and downs to married life, and that working along our hills and valleys is what we are to do....

I was angry, hurt, and at times very defiant. No, I don't have to "obey" like some child. Yes, I need to hear my husband when he is telling me things I don't want to hear. And, yes, some of this does fall to him as well...but I have to own my own.

Our church has been having an on-going 5 week series on marriage. And, as I believe God designs things, it coincincided with our little bump in the road. 5 weeks: Seek God, Fight Fair, Have Fun, Stay Pure, Never Give Up. We are headed into the final week.

I would encourage you to look up our church's video feeds for these sermons...they were quite awesome. He lays it all out, and isn't afraid to let you know...he knows what goes on behind closed doors...

Could I?

One of the Facebook pages I am on has a weekly photo contest. This week is "most popular pregnant belly pic". So, I loved my belly pics and I am very happy to share!

I have to say, they are all wonderful! One woman bore a striking resemblance to Dora the Explorer, haircut an all so her husband had her dress up as a VERY pregnant "Dora" with "Backpack" and all. One woman never got to see her belly grow, but adopted her precious one, and took a picture with the ultrasound photo she got confirming her baby's gender held up next to her belly...it was a really touching picture. Then, there was a simple picture of a mother pregnant, holding her youngest and pregnant with another of her children next to her.

I met this woman when I first got to this base. She has 5 children, All had very exciting birth stories. And we had not seen much of eachother for a couple years.

In the time we have been apart, her oldest daughter was diagnosed with a rare form of epilepsy that is slowly causing mental illness. And, just last week she posted that her baby had 17 seizures in one night...Lord, be with that precious child! And her husband is deployed again!

I see her posts daily...uplifting, kind, and full of hope. Hope for a cure for her daughter, and hope that God will bless her with strength for her other babies too while her husband is gone. I wonder, could I be like her if that were my situation?

Could I be full of faith, and not doubt? Happy and not sad? Accepting and not spiteful? I honestly don't know.

I know we adapt to our situations, and I know that I would find it in me. But, I hope that this woman knows what an inspriation she is to people...she is to me!

It just hit...

It's Saturday night...we've done our grocery shopping...our babies are all in bed and should be sleeping (should right?)...and here I am working on my baby's preschool curriculum!

My baby, my first one anyway. A week from Monday this wonderfully silly, rambunctious little man is going to not only start his first day of Preschool...he's going to be 3!

He's now potty trained, he can count to 19(even though there is no 16 when he does, and I love him for it), he asks questions like "what doing mommy" and if I say OW he says "ok mommy?". My sweet BIG-little man is growing up!

It's there and gone so fast! And it hits you at the strangest moments. The time we have to teach and watch our kids is fleeting. I know he's only going to be 3, and he's still technically a baby...he will always be MY baby...but I feel like I want time to slow down.

I want to savor this time and file it away for the times when he doesn't like me very much and tells me all about it....the times that I have to slow him down because he's trying to "grow up" too fast.

I am so excited watching this little boy grow....and I am so curious about the man he will become. But, it is only his third year...I get to keep my little boy a little bit longer. Cherish your babies, pray about the men and women they are going to become, let them get dirty and make mistakes...but enjoy it while it lasts!

Seeing What You Have

Things are going well for our little family. My hubby has just found out that he's getting promoted...YEAH!...and our babies are growing like weeds. We have had our share of trials recently, but I see a light at the end of this current tunnel.

I follow several military wife facebook pages for our base. Some are for general info, some are for "feel good" comments, but one in particular seems to hold my interest. It's a little like the "real military wives of..." insert our current location. There are anonymous posts about who they know that's doing this or that...posts about how their marriages and family lives are going...and posts about general military questions.

I like being able to give advice. I like seeing that people can be honest and say that not everything is sunny in "paradise". But, then you see the posts about people who got fortunate enough to be stationed in the same city...state...tri-state area...as their family.

They complain about how their family member didn't watch their child so they could do this....or they wouldn't come to their child's important event....

Honestly, I don't feel bad! At no time since I have married my soldier have we been close enough to any of our family to invite them to a birthday party or just go on over to their house because we felt like not being alone that day. We had to tell my in-laws months in advance that we didn't have anybody who could watch our boys while I was in labor with their sister....MONTHS in advance, not weeks or days.

So, here's my comment....You don't know what we would give to be able to have family that was near us! I want our kids to know their family, but so far it's because we have made sure that they see both sides at least once a year...meaning we pack our car and our kids, stop our mail, my husband has to take leave for almost 3 weeks, and we drive! We drive for 36 hours and sometimes more depending on which family we are visiting. And then we drive some more because people have this annoying habit of not wanting to put forth any effort to meet you where it's convienient for you, even though you just made a HUGE trip just to be close enough to even see them before having to meet them at the inconvienient location they picked.

See what you have right next to you! If you get stationed even 8 hours from your family, count your blessings...you could have to drive 36 hours with three kids under 3 and dog! Just a little food for thought.

"Crunchy" moments

I'm not a "Crunchy" person, but I have my moments. I like my bread made in my own kitchen, and my laundry Detergent too.  I am also starting to lean toward the homemade with my families toiletries as well.

Our oldest has developed an allergic reaction to sunscreen, and he can reach every countertop in our home. So, my first two new projects are going to be Homemade sunscreen and the project I did today Remineralizing tooth powder.

I made this for my husband mainly. He gets his dental care through the military so he can go as needed, and he brushes daily. Yet, no matter what he does he still has at least one cavity at his annual check up. Something is not right. Call it "acid erosion", call it weak enamel, something has got to change. So, I went searching.

I found the Remineralizing tooth powder recipe from one of my favorite blogs. And the other research I have done on tooth powder has led me to believe that this might actually help people like my husband, and myself as well, to keep from getting cavities and have healthier teeth and healthier bodies.

The other people I did this for are our babies. Our Big Man is going to be 3 in August, and I think it's time to get rid of the toddler toothpaste. He can reach everything on every counter in our home and I don't want to find him eating a tube of toothpaste and go get his stomach pumped.

Here is the recipe for the tooth powder...and it's safe to eat!

4 Parts Bentonite Clay
1 Part Baking Soda
1/2 part myrrh gum powder
1/2 part ground cloves
1/2 part ground stevia
essential oils of cloves and cinnamon

*substitute Peppermint leaf Powder for the cloves and Peppermint essential oil for the others

So, if we are talking cups.....

1C Bentonite Clay
1/4 C Baking Soda
1/8C myrrh gum powder
1/8C ground cloves
1/8C ground stevia

The people I bought most of the stuff from also told me about Comfry, which can help repair bone. And using xylitol instead of stevia could be beneficial because it has been proven to fight cavities.

I made the Peppermint kind, and added 1/8C or 1/2 part Comfry Powder to the mix. I think it might need slightly more stevia for the kiddos to use it willingly...but I think that is up to you.

Mix all ingredients together in a mason jar and use a spoon or an empty spice container to put it on your toothbrush. Brush as you normally would.

A love like...this

Sometimes in a moment of prophesy, or fate as some would think, someone realizes "THAT is my match!" Here is a story of a moment like that...

Gene saw her, across the yard getting on the school bus, and he said out loud, "that is the girl I'm gonna marry!". He had been graduated from the school for a year, but he had stopped by to visit some friends. A small town, where everyone knew eachother, and He didn't know her. Thankfully their friends found his infatuation with Pasty rather cute and helped him come up with a way to spend some time with her. The away game for the basketball team!

The scene was set...plans were put into motion...this poor girl didn't know that her future hinged on this one night! Patsy and her friend had gotten back on the bus after the game, and behold, all the seats except two were full, right next to Gene. Her friend said, "why don't you sit next to gene?", and after weeks of her friends and his trying to get them to go on a date she was NOT interested in sitting next to him. Someone who was 'in' on the plan suddenly found an extra seat for Patsy's friend, and now she was stuck next to HIM! Sleep was the only thing she could think of to escape having to play nice with this boy, so she tried to drift off. What? Why was a hand creeping behind her neck? Why was somone pulling her over to lean on a shoulder? She started and looked at him, "you're gonna get a crik in your neck if you sleep like that"....oh, he thought he was smooth and that made Patsy even more frustrated. Who did he think he was?

Person, by Person, the kids got off the bus. Patsy and the driver lived close, so he was going to drop her by her house and she was almost the last one on the bus. "Mwah!"....Oh my goodness, That Gene-boy just KISSED ME! He had stollen a quick kiss on his way off the bus, and then run like he was on fire, and she thought "he better run!" She was furious! This was 1954, fresh boys like that were not who she wanted to be around.

For a solid year she refused any attempt of their mutual friends to get her to date him. If he would kiss her like that without her permission when they weren't dating, what would he do when they were? Finally, she agreed to go only if her friend doubled with her. After several double dates, her friend told her she was on her own. And she continued to date Gene. Obviously things were going well because they got married July 21st, 1956.

Patsy had just graduated highschool and Gene had joined the Navy. Fastforeward 56 years.... Patsy is being handed a flag and a coin by her grandson-in-law, dressed in Air Force Blues. Gene had died of cancer on June 26th. 56 years, Three children, 5 grandchildren, and 4 (and one on the way) great-grandchildren. 23 years of service to the USA as a spouse and officer. What a LIFE!

I want a love story like this! One that proves that love is a gift, pre-ordained by God before time began. One that shows that it can LAST!

This Man and Woman are my grandparents. Papaw was the best man at my wedding, to my own soldier. Grandmaw taught me all her cooking tricks as a child, and it has served me very well in my own family. They were my "step" grandparents, but they were and are, very real to me! I hope to have such a story, and a legacy to share with my own grandchildren...can you imagine a love like...THIS!

Not so busy moments...

I am now a "business" owner. I make and sell crocheted items, mainly photography props. This is on top of my full time job as a mommy to three and a class I am taking for dog grooming....yes, I am busy! But, my business venture plays a good role for me right now...it is for my slow moments. Watching "Cars" for the millionth time with My oldest son, I can usually knock out a hat or a simple diaper cover...when I get all the babies to nap at the same time, same thing...when everyone goes to bed for the night, a couple hours of school time, and a little more crochet. My days and nights are more full, but I am a happier person. I love to create, and I would like to contribute to my family...with this I can do both. Starting is taking time, but I have a photographer friend who is helping me, by using what I make for her pictures and then I get photo shoots and publicity at the same time for my family....and you all have seen my posts about my picture addiction :-) I'm working my way through my days, and I am a calmer and happier ME!

Capable...More or less?

As we sat down to eat today it dawned on me that my husband never eats with one of our children on his lap. I know, strange train of thought and really nothing to be worried about. But, this led me to my next thought....when it comes to children, housework, etc. Do our better halves..the male ones...believe that they are less capable? My husband is a willing helper, but in most cases, he thinks nothing of leaving me with our three children at the table. But if I do, and he thinks its taking a long time, he will text me to see if I brought my phone with me. I don't believe I have ever given him any reason to think that he can't handle all of them, but somehow I wonder if he feels that? How do we encourage our men to be more confident? How do we let them know that they are capable? I'm not going to go out and assert my woman's "liberty" and get a job outside of my home to force it...but I may start leaving him with the kiddos more. And just general praise I think will be beneficial. Let's help our men....they are capable!

Picking up...

I am now a mother to three little ones...ages 2, 17 mo, and 2 mo. My house is never, and will never, be clean again. At least not for more than a few seconds per room.
I am the one person force behind picking up after little people who don't reaize that the toys they drop and the crumbs they leave behind might be a problem to someone else. This is my chaos!

I love the moments of discovery, I LOVE watching my babies eat something that I made for them. And then comes the part that ends up making everything in the house "feel" better...picking it up.

I can go from feeling a little overwhealmed to being very pleased, by just putting all the toys where they go. How a toddler can play with so many things in one sitting is very baffling to me, but I end up with the two buckets completely empty at least twice a day and their contents scattered across the floor...Hansel and Gretel's breadcrumbs have nothing on the trail of toddler who has been having fun. You KNOW where they have been! Sometimes they have been places you didn't even know about...

Picking up...how mommies put their world back in balance...

Just the beginning!

The journey with our babies is just beginning....2, 1, and 6 weeks old. Really still babies by anyone's calculations, yet they have taught me so much! With each child came a new set of responsibilities and trials, but also the joy that comes from an addition to your family.

I looked at our newest...our little girl...today as I was feeding her and I realized how fast this all goes! It feels like I'm missing everything, even though I've been with all of them from the beginning. I have to remind myself that sometimes the cleaning needs to wait, because I need to hold my boys. And if dinner is a little late, my hubby will get over it because I was cherishing our children.

I hear the grumbles and complaining, and I have done some of my own as a parent, about early feedings and laundry. I see the exasperated mom in the store with one kid, and I look at myself with three and I still feel for her. This and marriage are the best, hardest things we will ever get to do!

We watch them grow, and they teach us how to GROW UP! When we tell them "you can't have your way", in some way we are reminding ourselves of the same thing, because we can all admit we see pieces of ourselves in our childrens personalities. They push and we push back a million times between now and when they go out on their own, but the rewards aren't to be missed.

I long for date nights alone with my husband, and a time when the only behind I will be worried about is my own, but I am content with my life as it is right now! Cleaning, cooking, correcting, teaching, and loving them like nobody else can! But, until then I have my little ones here and I am so thankful that they are!

And Baby makes 5!

In the time between my last post and now a little bundle wrapped in pink instead of blue, now rests in our home! Her name is Carita!

A precious little girl to add to our baby boys!

Her birth was the most eventful we have had, but I would do it all again to have her here and safe...

According to my midwives...I had a bit of a swimming pool in there. Meaning that they didn't realize I had SO MUCH amniotic fluid. This made my progress slower, and caused her to turn from straight to sideways when my water broke. They were worried that she might also compress her cord when my water broke, so they tried to slow the flow a little when it did break.

So, you have a baby head aimed at your hip instead of the exit...what do they do? Some would say automatic c-section, but I have some awesome women taking care of me, and we decided to try and turn her.

With the help of my midwife and an OB they coaxed our little one back to the right direction...and thankfully I had an epidural, because I was a little bruised after that. The OB made mention of how much room she had in there and then said something about a "corner" in my belly and I said, "well, according to both of you I have a playground in there!"...believe me, it was either a make light of it or lose it time for me. I was very scared, not because of myself, but turning our daughter came with the threat of her being in distress of some kind and them performing an emergency c-section. My only goal was a healthy baby...to heck with my body, she's my baby and they had permission to do whatever they needed to to me in order to keep her safe!

My husband has never looked so worried...but he held it together for me, and then hugged me and reassured me when it was all over.

But, our little adventure with our girl didn't end right there...

About an hour later her heart rate was very erratic, and the midwife came in and asked me if I could haul my half-paralyzed, from my epidural, self onto my hands and knees and lay over the back of my raised bed so that they could see if it would stabalize her heart rate....yeah, it worked! But, I got to wear an oxygen mask, and hold myself up for another hour.

My midwife came in again, and ta-da, I'm ready to push! In less than 30 minutes my husband got to bring the third of our children into the world!

I am so proud of him for wanting to be so involved in the births of our children! It's his biggest accomplishement according to him, and I think that they will come to appreciate his involvement in their first moments when they are parents one day.

And here is our precious Carita being held by her Great-Grandma Carita! Great-Grandma stayed with me and my husband at the hospital all day and got to see her little namesake come into the world...full of stubborness and spirit just like her!

I am needed here...

Sometimes I wonder if my boys like me, or if they just live for the moment that they see those ABUs walk through the door...DADDY! I know they love me, as I am their full time caregiver, but I believe that like and love are two seperate things.

In the time since I last posted we have had some very busy times in our house. I am trucking along in my third triemester in my third preganancy in three years (try to say that 10 times fast) and somewhere in my 35th week my body decides that contractions are ON! So, a trip to labor and delivery and a morphine shot later and I am on "contraction watch" until my 37th week when she has everyone's permission to make her entrance because then she's full term.

And, somewhere in there my husband gets told that he is no longer deploying for a year...so every plan on that end comes to a screeching halt! He still re-enlisted and I am so proud of him, but that means we are still in Oklahoma...exactly the place we planned on dropping like a ton of bricks! We were WANTING to move, and get away from this place! So, we are back on with waiting for the next set of orders...but you can bet I won't believe that it's gonna happen until he takes off, and even then I may not think it's gonna stick...something always happens!

But, now I am 37 and half weeks pregnant! Little miss can come on whenever she wants, and actually we were in the hospital the day before leap day because I was having contractions again...but here it is March 1st and the contractions have stopped, no leap day baby!

Our boys know something is up. McKinzie has been clingy, and his naptimes have been a fight. He wakes up in the night wanting to crawl into our bed, and his eating is up and down...McKinley is starting to want to cuddle, and I think he's teething...Somehow they sense that life is going to change, and their attitudes are a reflection of some sort of toddler anxiety.

Somehow they act like I'm going somewhere...They are hugging me more, and wanting to be cuddled all day. McKinzie has a big problem seeing me in hospital beds we discovered, and tells me very painly "up mommy" when he sees me in one. Somehow I am needed here!

I am their comfort. I am always here. And, as I told my mom today, I must appear very unbreakable in their young eyes. I am MOMMY! I make their food, and give them sippies...kiss boo-boos, and put on "Diego go-go". Kinda feels good to know that I'm not the person in the background...I am a part of their everything!

What made me think of this today was trying to get our boys to nap. I can say I am not in the best of moods....and neither are they...but in the middle of the third tantrum, there was calm. All I saw was my little boy, with tears in his eyes and I realized that what he needed was me! He needed to be held for a bit....my 40 pound baby needed to be rocked by mommy! So I did! I held him, and rocked him, and he just calmed....this is what being needed is!

My Valentine's Day

In our house V-day is not traditional....it's my hubby's birthday! I have made a very big effort towards making the day about HIM, and with that comes my question...when is MY Valentine's Day?

You know, a day other than our anniversary where everyone...including my husband...that they need to tell their spouse how much they are loved? A day where I answer the door and there's a bouquet where someone's head should be and they have to contort themself to see around it to tell me its for me...I don't think I'm going to get this...I want my husband to have a real birthday, but he loves saying that he "gets a free pass" on everything to do with that day. And technically he does.

One day I would like:

....A card from him that doesn't get lost (he lost the last one he bought me because he hid it so well he hid it from me AND himself) and that my mom or my sister doesn't have to remind him to get.

....a "gift", other than a pregnancy craving, that he had planned to get for me.

....a thought out meal, that was made by someone other than me, and I don't even know it until I get to the table.


I'm not upset because I choose to make his birthday special for him. I would just like a "valentine's day" of my own someday...

Blame...

As I have told my husband many times since we got married...we are crap magnets! If it can go wrong, or people can take it the wrong way...they will!

We have been told that him kissing me on the cheek in church was us "making love on the pews, and we should be ashamed for teaching the teens that it's okay to act like that"...

Several members of my family, and his, have made it abundantly clear that they are very jealous and upset at our "luck" in being, not only being able to get pregnant, but getting pregnant "so often"...with comments like, " don't you know how to prevent that?", I have come to fear the initial telling people that we are going to have another one...THAT IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!

Now,my twin is in the same boat on the pregnancy front, and the attacks keep on coming. I guess that saying that morning sickness sucks is now considered a cardinal sin, and a crime against those that we know who have fertility issues within our family. And that if she, or I 'complain' about our children not napping or talk about the things that they are doing...that it hurts these people because it's a reminder of what they will never have!

You can't blame others for things you don't have! And if you are going to talk about God in the same sentence as you tell someone that what they are making you jealous by what you percieve as a complaint about having children...then you have not just reminded them to be thankful for what they have...YOU HAVE MOVED INTO COVETING!

I'm sorry that not everyone who wants babies has them, but I WILL NOT let someone tell me...or my twin sister...that our comments about the trial of being a mother and a wife are an acceptable fuel for their hateful fires!

I love my family, but I will not apologize for being me, or for needing to vent on occasion!

Mean is what they are!

In my time as a military wife I have had my share of encounters with both civilian and military personnel. About 80% of them have been horrible! Lying, cheating, spitefullness, and women trying their hand at stealing the attention of my husband...they failed miserably!

I don't buy into the lie that this is just "my husband's job" and that me and the kids are along for the ride. To those that say this their intent is to make me feel like a controlling person for wanting to fight for my husband and my family, and I don't feel bad! My job is to be there for my family, and if that means taking on some military person because they think that their rank gives them the right to lord over me or my family then they are going ot find out that I don't scare easy!

I have reached out recently to some of the wives, hoping in vain that they may tell me who I can go to for a problem with someone my husband is working with. I posted anonymously on a facebook page and they were downright mean! Telling me that I need to just let my husband take care of it, and if I went to someone about it that I would turn into "that woman" and make my husband's life hell. This is the reason for not posting my name! I have seen them rip people apart for things, and if they knew who they were talking to they would probably be nicer...but I guess I was asking for advice, not nice.

So, for the military wives like me who know that just because people like to throw around the phrase, "that's just the military for you"...generally thrown at you by civilians who have never actually lived the life we lead...I'm with you! It's a bald face lie! There are still people in the military who lie and try to sabatoge people, and yes there is something that can be done in most of these cases.

Recipe for Parenthood

I watched A LOT of other peoples' kids before I had some of my own. I loved them, and took care of them, kissed the boo-boos, and played games. I missed about 70% of what it is to be a parent...but it did give me some insight into this world that I hoped to enter someday.

I have been a parent for about 3 years now. I am counting from the time that I found out we were having our first baby because from that moment on your mind begins to change. In these years I have learned that there are certain "ingredients" that are required for parenthood...

Selflessness...time, effort, my mind, MY BODY. These are all things that have to be given to your children with no thought or expectation that they could, or should, ever pay you back. There is no raincheck on giving them life, they don't owe me theirs just because I made some sacrifices. For men this is a little different, but a good example is that it is the only time that a man can have someone hit him or injure the 'privates' and they don't automatically start swinging.

Love...I love my children enough to be their teacher instead of their friend. Enough to protect them from what I can and encourage them to try the things that scare them. Raising a loving child is a great big game of 'show and tell'....you show it and they hear you in their head telling them how when it's their turn to love someone else.

Sacrifice....I don't look like I did when my husband married me, but thankfully he thinks stretch marks are sexy ;-). And we don't get to go on dates like we did before kids, but we are doing what we can when we can.

Time...I will be there to rub my child's back at 1am, when they are puking, even if I have to be up at 5!

This recipe could go on and on, but the ingredients are going to change as your little 'cakes' grow. Every one just as unique as can be, but it all begins with similar ingredients. Don't worry about failing because the finished product isn't ultimately dependant on you...it's dependant on how they interpret what you showed them.

Asking the Peanut Gallery

Today on our bases' wives facebook page somone posted an anonymous comment. I like it that the moderator does this for people, because sometimes you need a little adivce without someone searching you out to ask you in person for more info than you are willing to give.

Her question was "is it time to throw in the towel"...yes, she used those words and she was talking about her marriage. In her post she mentioned that she and her husband had been married before to different people, and had done pre-marital counseling...Now they have a baby and her husband is not patient with him and all he wants to do is drink beer and play video games....

Yep, I couldn't help myself, I had to say something...

Ladies and gentlemen...if you have to ask if it's "time to throw in the towel"...IT'S NOT TIME!!!!! If you aren't sure wether this or that is "just too much.." then why are you asking someone else to answer your own question?

We all want validation, but when it comes to something as serious as ending your marriage the only person you should be consulting is your husband or wife! You made the vows, you live with eachother, and you supposedly meant the part about dying being the only way out of this...so act like you mean it and work through it!

I tell my husband all the time that the only way he's getting out is by dying, and that I intend to bug him incessantly for the next 50 plus years. I love him! Yes, I meant it when I said death was my only "way out", and I heard the part about better and WORSE.

Lots of the comments on this anonymous post said things like, "...life's too short to be unhappy"....do you promise your kids that they are going to be happy every minute of every day, or want to be around you all the time? Then why on earth are you telling yourself, or other people, these lies? Unhappiness is entirely perception...and as my mom kindly reminds me, "you will get glad in the same pants you got mad in"...preferably the man you love will still be sitting next to you when you do!

Before you ask or give someone advice about permantent choices...just remember that they might actually take your advice! I know that I would feel awful if someone's marriage ended because I, in essence, gave them "permission" to do so!

Hoorah for marriage!...the days we love everything about it and the days we have to remind ourselves of the things we love about it!

Our "Curfew"

Now that my husband is on day shift we have implimented a new "us time" in our home. Every night at 8:30 we have decided that we are not going to call anyone or get on the computer or game consoles. Netflix on our TV through the PS3 doesn't count because we watch movies...but video games are not allowed.

My husband and I have had a hard time having alone time while he was on swing shift because every time he was home, our babies were awake. So, we are now blessed with a somewhat normal schedule and therefore more time as just the two of us...and we are taking advantage of it!

I know, to some it seems unreasonable, but we are trying it on anyway. It doesn't mean that we shut the whole night down every day at that time, it just means that we make a concious effort to just be together without the things that we know distract us normally. I would encourage you to do it sometime!

We started this week, but I can already feel the tension that we have been feeling for a while melting away. This is going to be essential to our upcoming deployment. It's our first one, and we both don't want it tainted by animosity or frustration as much as we can avoid.

Go tech-free sometime, you may find you actually like it!

Lighting My Fire

So, the countdown is ON! My husband has moved to dayshift, and yesterday he got in the car and said "I need an ice cream!"...he had gotten shots for his deployment.

Our world is about to become one giant whirlwind! We have our little girl coming in about 8 weeks, and between now and then there is so much that we need to do!

I have been making my lists...
1.Keep, give, toss, sell....cleaned out the garage, wahoo!
2.clean all sellable items and post them on the "sell or trade" page for our base...still working on this one.
3. Purge our entire house of items that are not necessary...if we won't care about for a year, then it's outta here!
4.Go through baby clothes...I have less than a tote worth of clothing and my children have nearly every size in their respective totes, OH MY!
5. Pack my hubby up to ship out, and I'm still not sure what he needs...I haven't been given the list yet...hmmm
6. Have baby...oh I hope this is a very similar experience to my boys' births!
7. Watch my hubby "go to work"...not looking foreward to this....
8. Do what I need to in order to be ready to move when my 6 week post partum appointment has passed

Yes, my lists keep growing and getting more and more detailed. I'm not happy that my husband is going, but I am so very proud of him and the job is doing. Now I just need to find my last bits of motivation in these next weeks to light a fire under myself and get the "little" things done before we have no more time left.

Footsteps To Joy

Over Christmas my husband and our boys and myself went to Montana. It was a long anticipated trip for me...lets just say that being home for a short time was theraputic! Except for the day after Christmas..

Christmas was great! We spent it with my grandpa, who is responding very well to chemo, who has stage 4 liver cancer. My family, my twin sister's family, and both my step brothers. Almost all 5 kids were there, but I guess 11 adults and 3 toddlers was a full house anyway.

The day after Christmas, starting with my husband at 3am, we started dropping like flies...we had food poisoning! My husband, myself, my mom and then my grandma. Mercifully grandpa and none of the toddlers ate what we did so the ones I was most worried about were safe, but taking care of yourself and babies when you are that sick is very educational. I am blessed with a mom who is willing to help me and my husband even in the midst of being sick herself, so the three of us did rounds of diaper duty to give eachother breaks from the yucky ones and to get a nap in for us all...MY MOM IS AWESOME!!!

2 weeks around people who were familiar and who treat us and our children like we have never been gone...it was amazing! And I am pleased to see, and hear from those who saw me, that my depression is doing much better! My husband says, "I have my sassy wife back", and then smiles cheekily at me...I LOVE HIM! It's great that he likes me sassy!

I'm taking my baby steps back to joy! I'm finding my way back to the person I want to be, and it's not easy but it starts with a step...step....step!