As I have told my husband many times since we got married...we are crap magnets! If it can go wrong, or people can take it the wrong way...they will!
We have been told that him kissing me on the cheek in church was us "making love on the pews, and we should be ashamed for teaching the teens that it's okay to act like that"...
Several members of my family, and his, have made it abundantly clear that they are very jealous and upset at our "luck" in being, not only being able to get pregnant, but getting pregnant "so often"...with comments like, " don't you know how to prevent that?", I have come to fear the initial telling people that we are going to have another one...THAT IS NOT HOW IT'S SUPPOSED TO BE!
Now,my twin is in the same boat on the pregnancy front, and the attacks keep on coming. I guess that saying that morning sickness sucks is now considered a cardinal sin, and a crime against those that we know who have fertility issues within our family. And that if she, or I 'complain' about our children not napping or talk about the things that they are doing...that it hurts these people because it's a reminder of what they will never have!
You can't blame others for things you don't have! And if you are going to talk about God in the same sentence as you tell someone that what they are making you jealous by what you percieve as a complaint about having children...then you have not just reminded them to be thankful for what they have...YOU HAVE MOVED INTO COVETING!
I'm sorry that not everyone who wants babies has them, but I WILL NOT let someone tell me...or my twin sister...that our comments about the trial of being a mother and a wife are an acceptable fuel for their hateful fires!
I love my family, but I will not apologize for being me, or for needing to vent on occasion!
Sunday, January 29, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Mean is what they are!
In my time as a military wife I have had my share of encounters with both civilian and military personnel. About 80% of them have been horrible! Lying, cheating, spitefullness, and women trying their hand at stealing the attention of my husband...they failed miserably!
I don't buy into the lie that this is just "my husband's job" and that me and the kids are along for the ride. To those that say this their intent is to make me feel like a controlling person for wanting to fight for my husband and my family, and I don't feel bad! My job is to be there for my family, and if that means taking on some military person because they think that their rank gives them the right to lord over me or my family then they are going ot find out that I don't scare easy!
I have reached out recently to some of the wives, hoping in vain that they may tell me who I can go to for a problem with someone my husband is working with. I posted anonymously on a facebook page and they were downright mean! Telling me that I need to just let my husband take care of it, and if I went to someone about it that I would turn into "that woman" and make my husband's life hell. This is the reason for not posting my name! I have seen them rip people apart for things, and if they knew who they were talking to they would probably be nicer...but I guess I was asking for advice, not nice.
So, for the military wives like me who know that just because people like to throw around the phrase, "that's just the military for you"...generally thrown at you by civilians who have never actually lived the life we lead...I'm with you! It's a bald face lie! There are still people in the military who lie and try to sabatoge people, and yes there is something that can be done in most of these cases.
I don't buy into the lie that this is just "my husband's job" and that me and the kids are along for the ride. To those that say this their intent is to make me feel like a controlling person for wanting to fight for my husband and my family, and I don't feel bad! My job is to be there for my family, and if that means taking on some military person because they think that their rank gives them the right to lord over me or my family then they are going ot find out that I don't scare easy!
I have reached out recently to some of the wives, hoping in vain that they may tell me who I can go to for a problem with someone my husband is working with. I posted anonymously on a facebook page and they were downright mean! Telling me that I need to just let my husband take care of it, and if I went to someone about it that I would turn into "that woman" and make my husband's life hell. This is the reason for not posting my name! I have seen them rip people apart for things, and if they knew who they were talking to they would probably be nicer...but I guess I was asking for advice, not nice.
So, for the military wives like me who know that just because people like to throw around the phrase, "that's just the military for you"...generally thrown at you by civilians who have never actually lived the life we lead...I'm with you! It's a bald face lie! There are still people in the military who lie and try to sabatoge people, and yes there is something that can be done in most of these cases.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Recipe for Parenthood
I watched A LOT of other peoples' kids before I had some of my own. I loved them, and took care of them, kissed the boo-boos, and played games. I missed about 70% of what it is to be a parent...but it did give me some insight into this world that I hoped to enter someday.
I have been a parent for about 3 years now. I am counting from the time that I found out we were having our first baby because from that moment on your mind begins to change. In these years I have learned that there are certain "ingredients" that are required for parenthood...
Selflessness...time, effort, my mind, MY BODY. These are all things that have to be given to your children with no thought or expectation that they could, or should, ever pay you back. There is no raincheck on giving them life, they don't owe me theirs just because I made some sacrifices. For men this is a little different, but a good example is that it is the only time that a man can have someone hit him or injure the 'privates' and they don't automatically start swinging.
Love...I love my children enough to be their teacher instead of their friend. Enough to protect them from what I can and encourage them to try the things that scare them. Raising a loving child is a great big game of 'show and tell'....you show it and they hear you in their head telling them how when it's their turn to love someone else.
Sacrifice....I don't look like I did when my husband married me, but thankfully he thinks stretch marks are sexy ;-). And we don't get to go on dates like we did before kids, but we are doing what we can when we can.
Time...I will be there to rub my child's back at 1am, when they are puking, even if I have to be up at 5!
This recipe could go on and on, but the ingredients are going to change as your little 'cakes' grow. Every one just as unique as can be, but it all begins with similar ingredients. Don't worry about failing because the finished product isn't ultimately dependant on you...it's dependant on how they interpret what you showed them.
I have been a parent for about 3 years now. I am counting from the time that I found out we were having our first baby because from that moment on your mind begins to change. In these years I have learned that there are certain "ingredients" that are required for parenthood...
Selflessness...time, effort, my mind, MY BODY. These are all things that have to be given to your children with no thought or expectation that they could, or should, ever pay you back. There is no raincheck on giving them life, they don't owe me theirs just because I made some sacrifices. For men this is a little different, but a good example is that it is the only time that a man can have someone hit him or injure the 'privates' and they don't automatically start swinging.
Love...I love my children enough to be their teacher instead of their friend. Enough to protect them from what I can and encourage them to try the things that scare them. Raising a loving child is a great big game of 'show and tell'....you show it and they hear you in their head telling them how when it's their turn to love someone else.
Sacrifice....I don't look like I did when my husband married me, but thankfully he thinks stretch marks are sexy ;-). And we don't get to go on dates like we did before kids, but we are doing what we can when we can.
Time...I will be there to rub my child's back at 1am, when they are puking, even if I have to be up at 5!
This recipe could go on and on, but the ingredients are going to change as your little 'cakes' grow. Every one just as unique as can be, but it all begins with similar ingredients. Don't worry about failing because the finished product isn't ultimately dependant on you...it's dependant on how they interpret what you showed them.
Monday, January 23, 2012
Asking the Peanut Gallery
Today on our bases' wives facebook page somone posted an anonymous comment. I like it that the moderator does this for people, because sometimes you need a little adivce without someone searching you out to ask you in person for more info than you are willing to give.
Her question was "is it time to throw in the towel"...yes, she used those words and she was talking about her marriage. In her post she mentioned that she and her husband had been married before to different people, and had done pre-marital counseling...Now they have a baby and her husband is not patient with him and all he wants to do is drink beer and play video games....
Yep, I couldn't help myself, I had to say something...
Ladies and gentlemen...if you have to ask if it's "time to throw in the towel"...IT'S NOT TIME!!!!! If you aren't sure wether this or that is "just too much.." then why are you asking someone else to answer your own question?
We all want validation, but when it comes to something as serious as ending your marriage the only person you should be consulting is your husband or wife! You made the vows, you live with eachother, and you supposedly meant the part about dying being the only way out of this...so act like you mean it and work through it!
I tell my husband all the time that the only way he's getting out is by dying, and that I intend to bug him incessantly for the next 50 plus years. I love him! Yes, I meant it when I said death was my only "way out", and I heard the part about better and WORSE.
Lots of the comments on this anonymous post said things like, "...life's too short to be unhappy"....do you promise your kids that they are going to be happy every minute of every day, or want to be around you all the time? Then why on earth are you telling yourself, or other people, these lies? Unhappiness is entirely perception...and as my mom kindly reminds me, "you will get glad in the same pants you got mad in"...preferably the man you love will still be sitting next to you when you do!
Before you ask or give someone advice about permantent choices...just remember that they might actually take your advice! I know that I would feel awful if someone's marriage ended because I, in essence, gave them "permission" to do so!
Hoorah for marriage!...the days we love everything about it and the days we have to remind ourselves of the things we love about it!
Her question was "is it time to throw in the towel"...yes, she used those words and she was talking about her marriage. In her post she mentioned that she and her husband had been married before to different people, and had done pre-marital counseling...Now they have a baby and her husband is not patient with him and all he wants to do is drink beer and play video games....
Yep, I couldn't help myself, I had to say something...
Ladies and gentlemen...if you have to ask if it's "time to throw in the towel"...IT'S NOT TIME!!!!! If you aren't sure wether this or that is "just too much.." then why are you asking someone else to answer your own question?
We all want validation, but when it comes to something as serious as ending your marriage the only person you should be consulting is your husband or wife! You made the vows, you live with eachother, and you supposedly meant the part about dying being the only way out of this...so act like you mean it and work through it!
I tell my husband all the time that the only way he's getting out is by dying, and that I intend to bug him incessantly for the next 50 plus years. I love him! Yes, I meant it when I said death was my only "way out", and I heard the part about better and WORSE.
Lots of the comments on this anonymous post said things like, "...life's too short to be unhappy"....do you promise your kids that they are going to be happy every minute of every day, or want to be around you all the time? Then why on earth are you telling yourself, or other people, these lies? Unhappiness is entirely perception...and as my mom kindly reminds me, "you will get glad in the same pants you got mad in"...preferably the man you love will still be sitting next to you when you do!
Before you ask or give someone advice about permantent choices...just remember that they might actually take your advice! I know that I would feel awful if someone's marriage ended because I, in essence, gave them "permission" to do so!
Hoorah for marriage!...the days we love everything about it and the days we have to remind ourselves of the things we love about it!
Thursday, January 19, 2012
Our "Curfew"
Now that my husband is on day shift we have implimented a new "us time" in our home. Every night at 8:30 we have decided that we are not going to call anyone or get on the computer or game consoles. Netflix on our TV through the PS3 doesn't count because we watch movies...but video games are not allowed.
My husband and I have had a hard time having alone time while he was on swing shift because every time he was home, our babies were awake. So, we are now blessed with a somewhat normal schedule and therefore more time as just the two of us...and we are taking advantage of it!
I know, to some it seems unreasonable, but we are trying it on anyway. It doesn't mean that we shut the whole night down every day at that time, it just means that we make a concious effort to just be together without the things that we know distract us normally. I would encourage you to do it sometime!
We started this week, but I can already feel the tension that we have been feeling for a while melting away. This is going to be essential to our upcoming deployment. It's our first one, and we both don't want it tainted by animosity or frustration as much as we can avoid.
Go tech-free sometime, you may find you actually like it!
My husband and I have had a hard time having alone time while he was on swing shift because every time he was home, our babies were awake. So, we are now blessed with a somewhat normal schedule and therefore more time as just the two of us...and we are taking advantage of it!
I know, to some it seems unreasonable, but we are trying it on anyway. It doesn't mean that we shut the whole night down every day at that time, it just means that we make a concious effort to just be together without the things that we know distract us normally. I would encourage you to do it sometime!
We started this week, but I can already feel the tension that we have been feeling for a while melting away. This is going to be essential to our upcoming deployment. It's our first one, and we both don't want it tainted by animosity or frustration as much as we can avoid.
Go tech-free sometime, you may find you actually like it!
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Lighting My Fire
So, the countdown is ON! My husband has moved to dayshift, and yesterday he got in the car and said "I need an ice cream!"...he had gotten shots for his deployment.
Our world is about to become one giant whirlwind! We have our little girl coming in about 8 weeks, and between now and then there is so much that we need to do!
I have been making my lists...
1.Keep, give, toss, sell....cleaned out the garage, wahoo!
2.clean all sellable items and post them on the "sell or trade" page for our base...still working on this one.
3. Purge our entire house of items that are not necessary...if we won't care about for a year, then it's outta here!
4.Go through baby clothes...I have less than a tote worth of clothing and my children have nearly every size in their respective totes, OH MY!
5. Pack my hubby up to ship out, and I'm still not sure what he needs...I haven't been given the list yet...hmmm
6. Have baby...oh I hope this is a very similar experience to my boys' births!
7. Watch my hubby "go to work"...not looking foreward to this....
8. Do what I need to in order to be ready to move when my 6 week post partum appointment has passed
Yes, my lists keep growing and getting more and more detailed. I'm not happy that my husband is going, but I am so very proud of him and the job is doing. Now I just need to find my last bits of motivation in these next weeks to light a fire under myself and get the "little" things done before we have no more time left.
Our world is about to become one giant whirlwind! We have our little girl coming in about 8 weeks, and between now and then there is so much that we need to do!
I have been making my lists...
1.Keep, give, toss, sell....cleaned out the garage, wahoo!
2.clean all sellable items and post them on the "sell or trade" page for our base...still working on this one.
3. Purge our entire house of items that are not necessary...if we won't care about for a year, then it's outta here!
4.Go through baby clothes...I have less than a tote worth of clothing and my children have nearly every size in their respective totes, OH MY!
5. Pack my hubby up to ship out, and I'm still not sure what he needs...I haven't been given the list yet...hmmm
6. Have baby...oh I hope this is a very similar experience to my boys' births!
7. Watch my hubby "go to work"...not looking foreward to this....
8. Do what I need to in order to be ready to move when my 6 week post partum appointment has passed
Yes, my lists keep growing and getting more and more detailed. I'm not happy that my husband is going, but I am so very proud of him and the job is doing. Now I just need to find my last bits of motivation in these next weeks to light a fire under myself and get the "little" things done before we have no more time left.
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Footsteps To Joy
Over Christmas my husband and our boys and myself went to Montana. It was a long anticipated trip for me...lets just say that being home for a short time was theraputic! Except for the day after Christmas..
Christmas was great! We spent it with my grandpa, who is responding very well to chemo, who has stage 4 liver cancer. My family, my twin sister's family, and both my step brothers. Almost all 5 kids were there, but I guess 11 adults and 3 toddlers was a full house anyway.
The day after Christmas, starting with my husband at 3am, we started dropping like flies...we had food poisoning! My husband, myself, my mom and then my grandma. Mercifully grandpa and none of the toddlers ate what we did so the ones I was most worried about were safe, but taking care of yourself and babies when you are that sick is very educational. I am blessed with a mom who is willing to help me and my husband even in the midst of being sick herself, so the three of us did rounds of diaper duty to give eachother breaks from the yucky ones and to get a nap in for us all...MY MOM IS AWESOME!!!
2 weeks around people who were familiar and who treat us and our children like we have never been gone...it was amazing! And I am pleased to see, and hear from those who saw me, that my depression is doing much better! My husband says, "I have my sassy wife back", and then smiles cheekily at me...I LOVE HIM! It's great that he likes me sassy!
I'm taking my baby steps back to joy! I'm finding my way back to the person I want to be, and it's not easy but it starts with a step...step....step!
Christmas was great! We spent it with my grandpa, who is responding very well to chemo, who has stage 4 liver cancer. My family, my twin sister's family, and both my step brothers. Almost all 5 kids were there, but I guess 11 adults and 3 toddlers was a full house anyway.
The day after Christmas, starting with my husband at 3am, we started dropping like flies...we had food poisoning! My husband, myself, my mom and then my grandma. Mercifully grandpa and none of the toddlers ate what we did so the ones I was most worried about were safe, but taking care of yourself and babies when you are that sick is very educational. I am blessed with a mom who is willing to help me and my husband even in the midst of being sick herself, so the three of us did rounds of diaper duty to give eachother breaks from the yucky ones and to get a nap in for us all...MY MOM IS AWESOME!!!
2 weeks around people who were familiar and who treat us and our children like we have never been gone...it was amazing! And I am pleased to see, and hear from those who saw me, that my depression is doing much better! My husband says, "I have my sassy wife back", and then smiles cheekily at me...I LOVE HIM! It's great that he likes me sassy!
I'm taking my baby steps back to joy! I'm finding my way back to the person I want to be, and it's not easy but it starts with a step...step....step!
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