Dear Tricare and Express Scripts...

As someone who uses an off base pharmacy because the military doesn't have a real hospital here, and therefore, a second rate supply of medication available...I would like to tell you what I think of your precious new copay...it is robbery! I get the mail you send me that says how much you actually pay for my medication, and I would think that a whole 2 dollars on your part is not too steep, even for a bunch of cheapskates like yourselves.

2 dollars, the price of half of your designer coffee that you are probably drinking this morning, and those pens you just had to have from your office supply....that taxpayers like me, buy for you!

With all the things that the military "might" be losing in the way of benefits, you should have at least notified us that you were going to raise the price! How would you like it if your insurance did the same thing to you...no wait! But since my husband works for the govt...we just get to eat the increase, when there is no grounds for it!

I hope that you all are extremely proud of yourselves...you just saved the "military" some money while sticking it to them at the same time! But, I guess we should just accept this as part of our new military...all work, no benefits, and an income that is considered below the poverty rate in most cities! Thank you for the wonderful suprise this week...I hope you recieve one just like it someday, it will make your year!

Bashing-on and Cashing-in on the military

It seems that with the quickly approaching anniversary of 9/11/01 there has been a surge of public patriotism, the military itself is gearing up to be ready if someone tries to start anything, and with this comes the usual uprising of celebrity supporters or haters.

The supporters want to make this anniversary one to be proud of, and to help the military feel like they are doing something that is WORTH something to the rest of us at home. The haters want to make it about THEM!

One of the most recent things I have seen was a comment made by a "singer". I don't count rap as singing as a rule, but you would think that they would have had to say the words out loud a lot in order to not trip over their own tongue when they are performing....so I would like to know why he didn't realize that what he wrote and said would cause an uproar? And, I would like to know why his apology, made after he was almost blacklisted, should carry any weight? But, I guess this is a legacy for those who want to cash in on this group of people.

The ones who truly support our men and women keep their rude comments to themselves just fine....the ones who want a meal ticket or a little notoriety don't care until it hits their bank account.

As the spouse of a military member I will ask you to pick a side. You are either for our spouses, or you are not. We don't blame your spouse, who may also carry the mail, for a package that never made it! We don't blame your doctor spouse, because they are in the same field as the one who treated our loved one, for the wrong diagnosis! Just because one makes a mistake, doesn't mean they all do!

Can you imagine feeling so hated and loved all at the same time? I know my husband has thought of the ones out there who don't like him because of his profession. I know spouses who have been attacked verbally for it....and their children too. Did you know that my husband is afraid to let me put a sticker or a magnet on our car that says "I love my airman" or "Proud airforce wife" because he doesn't want me and our children to suffer the same way? So, I get to hide my support under a bushel while the rest of the world can support whatever they want with no consequences. We are a world that likes things "fair"....so, guess what? It's NOT fair!

With things the way they are right now, my dreams of being a bumper sticker supporter of my husband are going to have to wait until he is retired. And everyone else will get to protest and praise all they want because they, obviously must have far more rights than I do.

Think before you speak. These people are not just cash on two legs! They are husbands, wives, fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, aunts, uncles, sisters, brothers, and cousins. They belong to someone! And that someone deserves to be a proud supporter....just as much as you!

I Love It When You.....

....and then fill in the blank..
....come to me when I ask you to
....put your toys in the bucket
....take no-thank-you bites of food I know you don't care for
....go lay in bed, when I ask, because I shouldn't have to Chase you
....use your big boy words
....drink water
....speak nicely to me

All of these I have used on my (this Saturday) 2 yr old son. And you know what? He gets a big grin on his face, and claps for himself. I almost think these phrases matter more to him than "yeah" or "good job"....and since I tend not to use "good" and "bad" as descriptions for him because I don't want him to confuse the behavior with HIM....this is how I show our little boy I'm proud of him and his actions.

...oh, and it works on husbands too ;-)

I strive to think of what I say to my children before I say it. And I think that encouragement can be an even greater reward than a gift. And I'm happy to say that this has served me, and my husband, well in our short parenting journey. We have a very secure toddler, who knows he is loved very much. He also has a healthy dose of pride in his efforts...not merely out of vanity...but because he knows that we stand behind his efforts wether they are completely successful or not.

Showing your children you are proud of them is less important than actually telling them. You are not fanning their ego! Ego and healthy pride are mutually exclusive when in the right balance....so give it a little try. pick something ordinary...one of those little victories, and tell your child, or your husband, that you are proud of THEM!

Pushing Too Hard

In the last couple days I have been thinking a lot about the future of our country....to me it looks rather scary, but I pray that I am very wrong and that my own children don't have to pay for the mistakes of presidencies current and future.

What got me was the new push to make insurance pay for birth control. Now, I know you can currently get it free or reduced from some places, and that condoms are passed out to young teens like candy. But, to make this a requirement will only cause more problems.

I chose not to take birth control. No, I'm not irresponsible, and I do know that means that I can get pregnant "by accident". My sister took it for a short period in her marriage and I asked her husband to change her mind....let's just say that sharing a room with her for 19 years I knew something wasn't right with her. And when she got off of it she was MUCH better.

This miracle pill poisons us and our babies....have you noticed the rise in health problems since this became as common as a vitamin? And as someone who doesn't believe in "unintended" babies, I would be very upset if I miscarried because of taking it.

When I mentioned these things on a news station Facebook page, I was reprimanded by a woman with 4 kids. She said I "looked young"...I've heard that before and it is always the start of a conversation with someone who thinks you couldn't possibly know anything because they are older than you. If you are going to argue...make sure you argue fair! She told me that I need to be open to my children and their needs, and if I'm not, that they are going to resent me and not want to talk. She also told me that "in a perfect world" teaching abstinence is a great idea but this is not a perfect world. So, I guess that was my hint from her that my idea is right up there with some sort of utopian society.

I'm not the pot, and I'm not the kettle...I practiced what I preach! Abstinence was a superb form of birth control...I had no babies before I got married! And all of my babies have the same daddy. It doesn't make me any better than anyone, it just means that it worked for me.

Before you take your kids out to get those things to "protect" them please consider that even in an imperfect world people still have self control and a desire to not have anymore heartbreak than is necessary before they are with their forever love.

I know my babies will go their own way, and I would rather teach them the way I was than give them the easy way out.

Winds of Change

Nearly three years ago "change" came into our white house. Promises, some too good to be true in a first term...and other enacted before they were properly assessed. I can say that my husband and I didn't get a voice in this because we got married 3 days before "change" was elected, and by the time we got home the polls were closed.

I didn't know it then, but a Target was painted on our military and their families that night. We became expendable!

Our pay has almost been stopped twice now and "change" just stood by and let us be on the chopping block. "Change" tried to freeze our pay somewhere in the middle of those two scares as well so that we don't get the benefit of raises like every other government employee. And now "change" has decided that if he can't get us while we are in, that getting us while we are out is the next best thing. "change" wants to do away with our pay and healthcare benefits when our spouses retire!

I don't know about your spouse, but mine chose this way of life so that our future health needs were secured. It wasn't all about the pension..Even though that is on the block too. Why are we letting "change" do all of these things? Why is the greatest military in the world letting one person take away every benefit we have?

If some of the things "change" wants happen, my family will suffer for it. Our hopes of me being the one home with our babies will vanish, and so will the future that we thought was secure. We spend wisely, and save more than 10% of our income in some form, but I don't think that will be enough if things go down the path they are headed.

As a mother, wife, and a part of the military team, I am asking that you look beyond race...beyond promises...beyond the novelty of "change". I ask you to look at the PEOPLE he has deemed EXPENDABLE! If your family was among those in this group you would detest "change" too!

I Survived Chicken Pox!

This was Round 1.....Daddy was doctoring his boo-boos.

This was Round 2....10 days later!

My two handsome boys had what their Pediatrician refered to as "chicken pox in the wild"...this means they got the chicken pox without being vaccinated against it. We have only chosen to opt out of one vaccine...chicken pox...because my husband got it twice, naturally, as a child. So, in the interest of only going through this once per child, we chose to go against the grain.

My oldest was very good about the whole itchy part...until his butt itched! Then I told him not to scratch with his hands and he decided to pull the "bear back scratch" trick and wiggle. It was hilarious! If I could have gotten a video of his ingeniousness...I would have!

Our youngest was not so good natured about it. He was my clingy one! And, being 7 months old, and unable to scratch just made him more determined to cuddle his itching away. He was also the one who had the most complicated things happen too. He kept rolling and rubbing the scabs off of his back, which then got infected....yucky tasting medicine does come back out of the mouth of 7 month olds too! Not to mention he became the "attraction" at the Pediatrician. Did you know there are doctors who have been out of medical school for years that have never seen a "natural" case of chicken pox?....yep, and all of them flocked to my baby like he was the most facinating thing they had ever seen!

Despite the comments that I have gotten for them being unvaccinated for it, I do not feel that I was being irresponsible. Being a mom is about making the hard choices, you do your research, you weigh all the pros and cons, and you are the one that they rely on! Don't apologize for making a choice. Doing the best you can is abosolutely what being parents is all about. I have always known our boys would make an impact someday...I just never expected it to be because of chicken pox :-).

Negative and Positive

I have a pet peeve. It has to do with the descriptive terms "negative" and "positive". I know they have to do with math, and polarity, but they have evolved into a description of people's behavoir.

Anything that they don't like is negativity and anything they like is positivity. I find this to be a cop-out. It is generally used so that people don't have to actually address specific behavior and generalize it instead. And at the end they usually add something like "we need to act like adults"...well lets try this shoe on for size....adults address problems! Not just generalize them so that you don't have to confront someone. Why make everyone feel like you are being mean and that you never do anything wrong ever!

This is especially said amongst people in the military. We are the "free to be you and me military"...unless you are in uniform, of course. But, the spouses must always act politely to eachother, or they are ostracised and ignored like yesterday's garbage.

I don't believe in negativity or positivity...I believe in right and wrong! I believe that if you have a problem with something and you make such a generalization to a group about "someone's" behavior that you need to either explain it, or keep it to yourself because otherwise it makes you look like a jerk! And using such strong arming tactics as deleting people who won't adhere to your precious "guidelines" because they didn't meet your standards is wrong and rude! It creates and atmosphere of fear, and we fear enough as military spouses....we shouldn't do such things to eachother!

Have I been deleted from such groups, no, but I think that recent comments have made me consider distancing myself from the groups who have placed such restrictions on members. We are eachother's support! And we can't do that if we are so busy trying to control everything that we miss the opportunities.

Are there some out to make trouble? Always! Should they be dealt with? If they can't be looked over, yes! Treating eachother better than you treat yourself shouldn't be the "golden rule" as we teach our kids, it should just happen...it's like breathing! You have to think about rules...you don't have to think about breathing!