Parenting an extra

You imagine motherhood as a girl. The beauty, the contentment, the wonder, the gift. You see the moms at the park smiling in that way they do, as their child giggles and shrieks happily, going to and fro in the swing. You think, "that is how motherhood is going to be", "My son or daughter is going to be happy and wonderful all the time". You may be right, some of the time, but you may get one of those "extra" children.

What do I mean by "extra"? This child needs your extra....
Time...
Patience...
Mercy...
Love...
Grace...
Effort...
Discipline...
Guidance...
Understanding...
Everything...
This child will shape you and your parenting in ways never imagined. All the "you shoulds.." in the world will not apply to him. All the "averages..." will not explain him or categorize him. He will be strong in Will and Character. He will test your every boundary.

I have a son like this. I am this mother I write about, I was that little girl dreaming of the child(ren) I would have and how my parenting would look. I am the one who's childhood thoughts didn't meet with the motherhood I would eventually lead.

He is a puzzle to me. A joy. A mystery unfolding before my eyes. I count him a blessing and a trial in the same breath. And, you may find this a strange admission, he is exhausting! Why did I say that? Because it is true. Am I ungrateful, NO. He is my daily reminder not to look a gift horse in the mouth. He is my gift. I prayed for him. I am not looking for flaws, but I can't say that parenting my "extra" boy is easy. And, I think that we tend to only notice those around us who have easy children.

I don't look at the peaceful kids with their parents at the park. I look for the moms with a little "extra" on their plate. I don't pity them. I don't assume that they must be doing something wrong. I just sit and watch with the empathy in my heart and the knowledge that I am parenting an "extra" too.

We don't need advice or sympathy. We certainly don't need pity. We just need encouragement and hope that someday our "extra" will be blessed by our efforts in their youth. And know that they were loved in the midst of their extra needs.

I admit that I wrote this post in an attitude of frustration and anger. I was having a hard time with my son today, and I needed to put my thoughts in order. To remind myself that this is just today, and tomorrow will come. My thoughts were transformed into this. There will be hard days, but choose to take a moment. Write, read, breathe. Just like I have discovered myself, you were meant to do this and to be this little person's mother.