It's not about you

Being a person who has never been accused of keeping my mouth shut, I would like to share a simple public service announcement....

IT'S NOT ABOUT YOU!

Your husband forgot to take the garbage out...he was in a hurry this morning(I have to tell myself this a lot).

That person who cut you off on your way to work had somewhere to be too...they were not just looking for you.

The person posting about their religion, or lack of faith, on their Facebook page...it's not just to get under your skin.

Your child spilled their food and drink at every meal today...don't worry they will do it again tomorrow because they are kids and not as coordinated as you. Obviously you have used your limbs a lot longer.

Sometimes we have to stop and tell ourselves this simple truth. A truth lost in a world of offended people waiting to find something to be offended about. A world of people looking for someone to blame. Don't look for all the reasons that you could be inconvenienced or annoyed, you will end up being a very grumpy person who has no friends.

Join me....IT'S NOT ABOUT ME! Feel better? It may take several times of telling yourself that, but eventually it will actually make you feel freer.

Imagine waking up and looking at peoples actions as their own. We can do it!

See my post over at Proverbs 31 Thursday link up

Daddy Goggles

Yesterday my husband made a very big decision. He got rid of his PS3, his controllers, and ALL of his games! Let me tell you, game systems are very important to a lot of men. My husband used to be one of them.

When we were dating, I don't recall a night we talked that he wasn't playing a game. Once we got married he called it his best friend. We were going to have our first baby and he called it his "baby". See how much he valued it?

I told him yesterday, because he asked, that I was shocked and pleased that it is now gone. I was jealous of it sometimes. In some ways he treated it with more care and consideration than me or the children.

His reason for for such a change of heart, and the eviction of his former prized possession? He was seeing it through his daddy goggles. Yes, I was confused at first too.

He looked at how he felt about gaming in his younger days, and how it had affected his life. He looked at how it had affected his adult life. He looked at how it was affecting our family life, and his conclusion was that he didn't like what he saw.

No, he didn't spend all his time on it. But, we watched netflix on it, and there were shows that he had introduced our boys to that had become a problem.

He had noticed an attitude shift in our oldest that was alarmingly similar to the characters he was watching. We tried hiding the remotes and leaving it off...he found them. We tried watching something else and then he would throw very naughty fits.

Discipline him is what you are probably thinking...we did, and did, and did. Sometimes the best discipline is to take it away completely, even if it inconveniences you.

This part of our life is NOT all about us. We have to put on our goggles, like my husband, and see what the root of the problem is. Then, our job is to be parents and fix it if we can.

Our new family time will revolve around games and true togetherness instead of fighting over what to watch, or my husband playing games late because he is trying to do it while I'm asleep next to him on the couch so that it doesn't take his time from me....but it still did. He would wake up late, grumpy, and not get to spend the time he had with us before working that night.

Is there something in your life you need to put your goggles on and re-examine? Does it effect your children it your attitude? Does it steal your time? Does it cause you to argue with your spouse? If you can say yes to any of these questions, then I would encourage you to imagine a life if it weren't there. Maybe not forever...but for right now.

What’s your biggest worry right now as a military wife? How do you deal with it?

My biggest worry right now is that my husband is going to be kicked out soon, and that we won't know what kind of healthcare we will have for our babies or ourselves.

It's been nice being able to say that we have medical insurance when the need arises. With three toddlers and my very graceful husband it has been a God send. But, that will all end as soon as my husband is discharged because he didn't get a chance to fulfill his 20 years.

I guess I should be grateful that we have had three zero balance births, and all of the bells and whistles that accompany it. I have even been to see specialists for my feet and my Hashimoto's disease...again zero balance.

With things going the way they are for the military. Budget cuts leading to the cancelling of PCSs, Tuition assistance being cut, and looming fulough for some. I should be content that my husband and our family will not longer need to be scared that all of our benefits will be cut. We now have to search out what is best for us.

It's scary to think that our whole world is going to shift. No more Base, no more ABUs, no more combat boots, no more military IDs. But, we will make it work. And we are starting to see that maybe this is where we have been led all along.

How do I deal with it? There really isn't much to deal with. The decision had nothing to do with me, and my husband couldn't stop it either. When neither of you are to blame, you just do what you need to do. You move on, and you learn to live with the changes.

Is life too short to be unhappy?

"Life is too short to be unhappy." Said, by hundreds of people, usually in response to some grumblings about peoples significant others, or spouses. These same people fall into two categories, the ones who really believe what they are saying and the ones who have bought what the former are selling in regards to romantic relationships. The second type of people think that the list of things that relationships can't, shouldn't or couldn't bounce back from are a byproduct of unhappiness. This would mean that relationships like these are disposable, only to be entered into in a euphoric state, and to be discarded the first time it is no longer fun and has become work.

We don't teach our children such things about relationship. The teenager who "hates" his parents doesn't get the option to throw his relationship to them away. He is made to stay the course, and essentially get over it. We tell him that this bond is some how stronger than even that of his parents. We have now shown him that marriage is not meant to last, only parenthood.

Disposable, makes you think of plastic bags, paper, moldy food, broken things in general. But, then there are the things that we give away because we don't like or need them anymore. I would like to think that we see our romantic relationships as more than moldy food or a good will donation.

 

Let me tell you a little secret....There will be things in marriage that make you unhappy. There will be moments where keeping your mouth shut and leaving the room is the best move you could make. But marriage is not about happiness. Re-read your vows. Nowhere does is say happiness is promised, or even integral to marriage. Marriage is about covenant. A vow. A partnership. A promise that no matter what you will pull yourselves up by your bootstraps and work towards restoration every single day.

 

Happiness comes when you marry the one you love. If love leaves every time you are unhappy, you need to change your mind because you are letting it lead your heart. It should be your heart leading your mind.

 

Resolve to be happy IN your marriage, not BECAUSE of it! It's what is inside that counts, everything else is just window dressing.

 

 

 



Real Love

I remember asking my mom when I was dating my husband, "Do you think I'm in Love?" Obviously, never having a boyfriend or a crush that I could recall, I really had no idea what love should feel like. Eventually, as Mothers have forever I would imagine, she answered, "yes, I think you are", and that made me more sure of myself. I knew I loved him, but I wanted her opinion as I did then and do now.

I have looked at marriages around me rise and fall. The tiniest bit of a bad wind and POOF whatever love they thought they had evaporated like the air trapped in a disturbed souffle. And it has made me wonder if my own love was a true love, or was it just not tested by fire yet.

My fire has come, and you know what I discovered? I love my husband! I love him when I'm happy with him, I love him when I am so hurt that I feel ovewhealmed by it. I love him when he deserves it, and I love him when he doesn't.

We all know this verse:  

This is the outline that we look to for marriage, and it is a very great explaination of Love. But, I have added my own extention based on my marriage...

Real love leaves its dreams and never looks back. It fights with everything it has to the end! And it forgives, even hurts so deep you think you couldn't possibly. It dreams of the future, but learns from the past. And it doesn't seek vengence, but chooses to impart grace. It looks for the little things, and then praises them for the tiny miracles they are.

I know now that the love I feel for my husband is Real Love!

Taking it Back!

Our church has been talking about taking back what has been stolen from you by the devil. It could be a relationship, a vice, your faith, and maybe even your heart. Claiming the thing that was stolen in Jesus name and taking it back! So, today I declare that I am taking it back!

  I am taking back the scattered pieces of my heart. And, I give them back to my #1 and my #2 just as it was intended to be.

I am taking back my faith, I WILL have faith that God knew exactly what he was doing from the moment I was concieved. I believe that He is leading me even now to do the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life.

I am taking back my family. There are many things that have tried to work towards tearing us apart recently, and I refuse to let it go. It is mine!

I am taking back my love. I will not let my fears keep me from loving.

I am taking back my JOY. My mom told my twin sister once to "find her joy" when we were in high school, and she did just that...I think its time I do that myself.

There are seasons according to the bible. Sowing, and reaping. Right now I believe our family is in a sowing time. Planting the seeds of faith, trust, love, grace, peace, forgiveness, patience, long-suffering, and understanding. We are growing in some ways, but waiting in others. And, I know with a certainty that doesn't come from myself that when we reap this harvest it will surpass our wildest dreams.

Don't ever be afraid to take back what the devil has stolen....everything he has, he took from you!

Cherish the Moment

Yesterday my little firecracker was sick. Woke up bouncy and shortly came to me asking me to kiss his ear because it hurt. It was when he had done this repeatedly, and started crying that I knew it was an ear infection and it wasn't going to wait. We called the doctor and daddy.

Firecracker is my oldest, at 3, and he's big! He's in size 5/6 for the length, and yesterday was weighed at 47 pounds. And when he is exhausted or sick he's the one that needs to be rocked. And, I don't usually rock the babies to get them to sleep, unless they are sick. So, there I was in a chair at the doctor rocking my big boy.

It dawned on me while I was waiting that time is moving so fast. I won't be able to call these little people my babies much longer, and he's only going to get bigger. In that moment I resolved to cherish those little things that I won't get to do for much longer. Rocking them, kissing them...eew mom!, dancing in the livingroom to the power ranger theme song for the thousandth time.

Parenthood is such a busy time initially, and its not uncommon to feel it pass in a blur. But, we all need to let the dishes sit for a minute, let the little ones use the laundry as their own personal pile if leaves every once in a while. It isn't making a mess as my friend says, it's making memories!

Memories that will last, and encourage them well into their adult lives. And maybe someday when they have kids they will be able to pull out the memory and do the same things with their babies. Cherish your moments together! Have flour fights, jump in the mud, make piles out of laundry and jump in, and dance with your babies when they ask....you're making important memories.