3rd

As a military wife I am well aware of the things that I "give up"....Familiar places and people, time with my husband, most of my own goals are put on hold,  and the ability to have a normal 9-5 life.

My husband works a swing shift. We have to be home at 1pm every day for him to get ready to be our the door by 2pm....and then me and the babies are stuck at home, until he gets home in the wee hours. And I don't think that it's unfair for me to say that I really don't like this shift.

I have military funding for school, but I can't find anyone to watch the kids in this state, so I have to go stay with family so that I know that our babies will be taken care of....And now, even that has become a challenge.

I am always in second place when it comes to my husband....well, at least I should be! But, in most cases my line number is 3! God, the military, and me.

He never has to think out how it's going to work out for him to go to work or school...I'm home. He never has to ask me if he can take the car for the day...he takes it nearly every day. He doesn't have to make appointments for the 4 of us so that they work with this limited schedule, and I don't have to take all the kids by myself. And he has never had to take care of all of the kids by himself with food poisoning during late pregnancy.

He's never 3rd! And this is because I love him, and I know how this lifestyle goes by now....but I don't have to like it every day.

I don't have to like recalls at 3am and the mad dash to go into work just so that they can tell him "it was just a test, go home".

I don't have to like waking up at 4 or 5 because our oldest is up and my husband got home at midnight and is "too tired". I have Hashimoto's disease, I am ALWAYS tired!

I don't have to like swing shift.

I don't have to like that I am over 1000 miles away from any family at all, with very few people who I can count on.

I don't have to like tornado season, or the fact that my "storm shelter" (hall closet) makes my claustrophobic self shudder at the thought of getting in there with my babies alone. Fearing that if a tornado did take my house that I might not be able to hold all of my kids, and then they would be gone, like a woman here a year ago.

I don't have to like that my dreams are so far off that even thinking about them makes me cry sometimes.

So, I guess my post today is to the Active duty, guard, and reserve husbands/spouses...

Look at your spouse the next time you feel that they don't "understand" you and see all that they do BECAUSE they understand you! It's not true what your superiors say, we didn't volunteer for this. We fell in love with you, NOT your career! It would be easier to dislike you than it is to love you, but we love you anyway...even when we are 3rd and not 2nd. Even when duty is greater than anything else at that time.

Don't take for granted that there are sacrifices we make that you will never even see, or experience, at any time during your marriage.

We aren't the "silent ranks". We have voices, and sometimes we need to be given the freedom to dream of a time when we will be 2nd and not 3rd. It doens't mean that we don't appreciate what you do, or that we are mocking your duty....we just long to feel supported in return someday.

The Fear

I have a loving, patient, kind, handsome, and quirky husband. Our days are not always good, we dont always think very highly of the other, and there are things we would probably like the other to see fit to change about their behavior...but we have a covenant.

Have I ever thought of leaving, yes. Have I ever wanted our marriage to end, NO!

In the age we live in, we are shown that when the "going gets tough, the tough get going." And generally it is straight to the divorce lawyer.

We are justified by those who tell us that life is too short to be unhappy, or that we deserve better than.....

Let me tell you what I have learned in my own marriage. Life is too short to marry someone you can't argue with, and get over it.

Even in this season of hope and joy, I am seeing the hands of destruction come down on the lives of those around me. I am not exempt from such mayhem, and am trying to keep my faith, in spite of the fear.

Do me a favor. Hug your spouse today, wether you want to or not. Kiss them today, wether you want to or not. And love them today as if you aren't afraid. Fear is miracle grow for insecurity and doubt, but faith is what will see you through.

I'm making a Build!

Tonight my oldest spent his post dinner time "making a build" as he put it.  His three year old vocabulary likes to leave out those very descriptive "ing" parts.

Red, blue, green, yellow. 1 knob, two knobs, 4 knobs. build them up, and take them down. Group them by number, and group them by whatever pattern he chose. Oops! They would Fall and he'd catch one. and the others would tumble.

Some days I feel like those blocks...

Classified by the way I look, act, feel, and the things I say. Built up, and torn down. Put into place without rhyme or reason. Falling, but only a piece of myself is caught before the others just disappear.

I know that God has already written my story. I know that his plans are perfect. I know that I don't have to "understand" everything....and I need to remind myself of this, and not just my husband...I know that I am constantly being molded into the person he wants me to be. He is making a "Build" for his glory and purpose.

I am trying...and I imagine that the trying was my first mistake...to handle things, but they keep getting more tangled.

I am worried...and as someone put it at church, worry means you don't trust that God is working fast enough...that things won't ever feel right again.

I am tired...which I imagine is exactly what God's purpose was, because if I'm too tired to worry or "try" then he has the reigns...yep, I'm just tired!

In the season of thanksgiving...I am tired, and I am watching and waiting while God makes a BUILD!

To Nickname, or not to Nickname...

I never had an offical "nickname" as a child. I got called by my twin sister's name, or "twin", anad "half dime" or "Nickle" by my papaw. But, nothing that could be deemed a consistent nickname. I guess I'm just plain Nicole!

But, as my children are growing, I am starting to call them things in my head. No, nothing mean. Just little things that describe their personality and remind me of them.

My oldest is my Fire Cracker! He's 3, and 46 lbs and 45in of pure activity! He has a bit of a temper, and is the king of throwing himself on the floor and using all of his 46 lbs to his advantage. When he stops you STOP!

My middle, and second, son is my Sassy Pants. Yes, sassy pants, meaning that he back talks more and far earlier than his brother ever did. If I say "no", he screams it back at me. If I don't let him have that pen he found in his daddy's uniform pocket, you would think that I had hurt him. If he doesn't want it, he throws it!

My daughter is our Pepper! This one is part family decided because of her middle name which sounds like "cayenne", and other part current personality. At 6 mo old she can go from sweet to spicy in no time! You know, sugar and spice and everything nice? Heavy on the spice part! I guess we know what our little girl is made of.

Someone told me that she just loves budding personalities. I have to admit that I love them too. Not only becuase they are my babies, but because I am seeing things that make them different. And these little names that I call them in my head, may become their nicknames very soon.

 My babies have spirit.....yes they do.....my babies have spirit..... how bout you?

From Pumpkin Guts, to New Beef Cuts

As, you can see my quick trip to the Commisary today scored me and my family some of the first pumpkins of the season! Fall is absolutely my favorite season! I love the colors, smells, and the produce.

Pumpkin. What a wonderful vegetable, and with a 6mo old in our house who is being introduced to all kinds of veggie purees, this gives me an excuse to snag them and cook them up. Although my husband won't complain, as he reaps the benefits of these little beauties too.

I'm so glad we ran on base today!

One perk of the commisary is that meat is a good price, but today I decided to check the reduced meat section. I found a cut of meat that I have never seen, or cooked before....Beef Cheek! Yes, I realize that cows have cheeks, but I didn't stop to think that is was something that you could ask the butcher for.

All my searching came up with one...only ONE...cooking option, Braised. This is fine, as my knowledge of braising meat is quite limited, so I may as well learn it on this. My husband is actually reall intrigued by it, and seemed to think that it's going to be a wonderful experiment....I guess, here goes nothing!

When Real life meets the blog world

So, I have been inspired! Not by any person that I can see, or touch...today anyway...but by a blog that I ran across. The Ugly Homemaker is the name.

Many times blog posts can make everyone else seem like they live in Utopia, and because you have a hard time keeping up with everything that it appears they do while they brush their teeth, you must not be cut from the same cloth. Let me tell you, life happens at our house!

 I get upset with my children and my husband, regularly. I don't like dishes, though I love to cook, and I ask my husband very sweetly every chance I get to do a load for me....PRETTY PLEASE! My laundry is my my never ending story. My oldest is a firecracker who throws lovely tantrums and has started to bite when he gets angry. My middle son loves, "NO", and throws his food on the floor if he doesn't like it. Our daughter is a mommy's girl, and so far very quiet, but I am nursing her so there are moments where I just pray that my older two don't figure out that I left that pen on the counter until I can go get it. And our dog is a devout coward who hates to be outside for more than 1 minute if it is over 68 degrees....we live in OK, all summer it is far above that!

Real life happens! Messes, bumps, and burnt bread. It's never as calm and organized as we want. The garbage doesn't get taken out, you spill coffee on your white rug, and you are doing preschool with a little one who has a resistance to sitting still.

I prefer real life! I love my babies and my husband. We play, we eat, we fight, we get over it! I am blessed beyond all measure!

I actually ran across a little thinkg that I loved and printed off to put in my kitchen....

1st Month of Preschool

Before we had our first child, my husband and I decided that homeschooling was what we wanted for our babies. We both were not satisfied with our experiences in public school as children, and driving past some of the inner city schools, that we are zoned for, it appears that our children will be attending school in a refurbished prison. No kidding, bars on all the windows, brick building, with 8' fences around their play yard. That is NOT what we wanted for our kids.

I started researching homeschool preschool options last year, and I was introduced to ABC Jesus Loves Me. We have been working pretty closely to their curriculum, substituing things that work better for our very busy 3yr old boy.

It has been quite a first month. 2 rounds of sickness, various appointments that interfered with our school schedule, and many other snafus. But, in spite of it all, He has learned! I can see it, and hear it!

My "baby" is talking clearer, asking to "do school", and singing songs. He is a little more patient, and he finally lets me read whole books to him without ripping them out of my hand so that he can "read" them himself. He has discovered the difference between day and night, and he knows "Jesus loves me!", I am one proud momma!

So far his favorite is alphabet work, and he likes the interactive programs that help him to make the letter sounds. And his second favorite activity is art.

I just found some printables that I think he is going to love for next week. One is a Big/Little alphabet matching game, and Dot marker sheets that are fall themed.

I am so glad that God put it in our hearts to teach our children at home! I am astonished by our kids, and how I can be enough for them, even when it comes to their education. His joy in learning makes me feel like a much better mom than I have feeling I was.