3rd

As a military wife I am well aware of the things that I "give up"....Familiar places and people, time with my husband, most of my own goals are put on hold,  and the ability to have a normal 9-5 life.

My husband works a swing shift. We have to be home at 1pm every day for him to get ready to be our the door by 2pm....and then me and the babies are stuck at home, until he gets home in the wee hours. And I don't think that it's unfair for me to say that I really don't like this shift.

I have military funding for school, but I can't find anyone to watch the kids in this state, so I have to go stay with family so that I know that our babies will be taken care of....And now, even that has become a challenge.

I am always in second place when it comes to my husband....well, at least I should be! But, in most cases my line number is 3! God, the military, and me.

He never has to think out how it's going to work out for him to go to work or school...I'm home. He never has to ask me if he can take the car for the day...he takes it nearly every day. He doesn't have to make appointments for the 4 of us so that they work with this limited schedule, and I don't have to take all the kids by myself. And he has never had to take care of all of the kids by himself with food poisoning during late pregnancy.

He's never 3rd! And this is because I love him, and I know how this lifestyle goes by now....but I don't have to like it every day.

I don't have to like recalls at 3am and the mad dash to go into work just so that they can tell him "it was just a test, go home".

I don't have to like waking up at 4 or 5 because our oldest is up and my husband got home at midnight and is "too tired". I have Hashimoto's disease, I am ALWAYS tired!

I don't have to like swing shift.

I don't have to like that I am over 1000 miles away from any family at all, with very few people who I can count on.

I don't have to like tornado season, or the fact that my "storm shelter" (hall closet) makes my claustrophobic self shudder at the thought of getting in there with my babies alone. Fearing that if a tornado did take my house that I might not be able to hold all of my kids, and then they would be gone, like a woman here a year ago.

I don't have to like that my dreams are so far off that even thinking about them makes me cry sometimes.

So, I guess my post today is to the Active duty, guard, and reserve husbands/spouses...

Look at your spouse the next time you feel that they don't "understand" you and see all that they do BECAUSE they understand you! It's not true what your superiors say, we didn't volunteer for this. We fell in love with you, NOT your career! It would be easier to dislike you than it is to love you, but we love you anyway...even when we are 3rd and not 2nd. Even when duty is greater than anything else at that time.

Don't take for granted that there are sacrifices we make that you will never even see, or experience, at any time during your marriage.

We aren't the "silent ranks". We have voices, and sometimes we need to be given the freedom to dream of a time when we will be 2nd and not 3rd. It doens't mean that we don't appreciate what you do, or that we are mocking your duty....we just long to feel supported in return someday.