Not so busy moments...

I am now a "business" owner. I make and sell crocheted items, mainly photography props. This is on top of my full time job as a mommy to three and a class I am taking for dog grooming....yes, I am busy! But, my business venture plays a good role for me right now...it is for my slow moments. Watching "Cars" for the millionth time with My oldest son, I can usually knock out a hat or a simple diaper cover...when I get all the babies to nap at the same time, same thing...when everyone goes to bed for the night, a couple hours of school time, and a little more crochet. My days and nights are more full, but I am a happier person. I love to create, and I would like to contribute to my family...with this I can do both. Starting is taking time, but I have a photographer friend who is helping me, by using what I make for her pictures and then I get photo shoots and publicity at the same time for my family....and you all have seen my posts about my picture addiction :-) I'm working my way through my days, and I am a calmer and happier ME!

Capable...More or less?

As we sat down to eat today it dawned on me that my husband never eats with one of our children on his lap. I know, strange train of thought and really nothing to be worried about. But, this led me to my next thought....when it comes to children, housework, etc. Do our better halves..the male ones...believe that they are less capable? My husband is a willing helper, but in most cases, he thinks nothing of leaving me with our three children at the table. But if I do, and he thinks its taking a long time, he will text me to see if I brought my phone with me. I don't believe I have ever given him any reason to think that he can't handle all of them, but somehow I wonder if he feels that? How do we encourage our men to be more confident? How do we let them know that they are capable? I'm not going to go out and assert my woman's "liberty" and get a job outside of my home to force it...but I may start leaving him with the kiddos more. And just general praise I think will be beneficial. Let's help our men....they are capable!

Picking up...

I am now a mother to three little ones...ages 2, 17 mo, and 2 mo. My house is never, and will never, be clean again. At least not for more than a few seconds per room.
I am the one person force behind picking up after little people who don't reaize that the toys they drop and the crumbs they leave behind might be a problem to someone else. This is my chaos!

I love the moments of discovery, I LOVE watching my babies eat something that I made for them. And then comes the part that ends up making everything in the house "feel" better...picking it up.

I can go from feeling a little overwhealmed to being very pleased, by just putting all the toys where they go. How a toddler can play with so many things in one sitting is very baffling to me, but I end up with the two buckets completely empty at least twice a day and their contents scattered across the floor...Hansel and Gretel's breadcrumbs have nothing on the trail of toddler who has been having fun. You KNOW where they have been! Sometimes they have been places you didn't even know about...

Picking up...how mommies put their world back in balance...

Just the beginning!

The journey with our babies is just beginning....2, 1, and 6 weeks old. Really still babies by anyone's calculations, yet they have taught me so much! With each child came a new set of responsibilities and trials, but also the joy that comes from an addition to your family.

I looked at our newest...our little girl...today as I was feeding her and I realized how fast this all goes! It feels like I'm missing everything, even though I've been with all of them from the beginning. I have to remind myself that sometimes the cleaning needs to wait, because I need to hold my boys. And if dinner is a little late, my hubby will get over it because I was cherishing our children.

I hear the grumbles and complaining, and I have done some of my own as a parent, about early feedings and laundry. I see the exasperated mom in the store with one kid, and I look at myself with three and I still feel for her. This and marriage are the best, hardest things we will ever get to do!

We watch them grow, and they teach us how to GROW UP! When we tell them "you can't have your way", in some way we are reminding ourselves of the same thing, because we can all admit we see pieces of ourselves in our childrens personalities. They push and we push back a million times between now and when they go out on their own, but the rewards aren't to be missed.

I long for date nights alone with my husband, and a time when the only behind I will be worried about is my own, but I am content with my life as it is right now! Cleaning, cooking, correcting, teaching, and loving them like nobody else can! But, until then I have my little ones here and I am so thankful that they are!

And Baby makes 5!

In the time between my last post and now a little bundle wrapped in pink instead of blue, now rests in our home! Her name is Carita!

A precious little girl to add to our baby boys!

Her birth was the most eventful we have had, but I would do it all again to have her here and safe...

According to my midwives...I had a bit of a swimming pool in there. Meaning that they didn't realize I had SO MUCH amniotic fluid. This made my progress slower, and caused her to turn from straight to sideways when my water broke. They were worried that she might also compress her cord when my water broke, so they tried to slow the flow a little when it did break.

So, you have a baby head aimed at your hip instead of the exit...what do they do? Some would say automatic c-section, but I have some awesome women taking care of me, and we decided to try and turn her.

With the help of my midwife and an OB they coaxed our little one back to the right direction...and thankfully I had an epidural, because I was a little bruised after that. The OB made mention of how much room she had in there and then said something about a "corner" in my belly and I said, "well, according to both of you I have a playground in there!"...believe me, it was either a make light of it or lose it time for me. I was very scared, not because of myself, but turning our daughter came with the threat of her being in distress of some kind and them performing an emergency c-section. My only goal was a healthy baby...to heck with my body, she's my baby and they had permission to do whatever they needed to to me in order to keep her safe!

My husband has never looked so worried...but he held it together for me, and then hugged me and reassured me when it was all over.

But, our little adventure with our girl didn't end right there...

About an hour later her heart rate was very erratic, and the midwife came in and asked me if I could haul my half-paralyzed, from my epidural, self onto my hands and knees and lay over the back of my raised bed so that they could see if it would stabalize her heart rate....yeah, it worked! But, I got to wear an oxygen mask, and hold myself up for another hour.

My midwife came in again, and ta-da, I'm ready to push! In less than 30 minutes my husband got to bring the third of our children into the world!

I am so proud of him for wanting to be so involved in the births of our children! It's his biggest accomplishement according to him, and I think that they will come to appreciate his involvement in their first moments when they are parents one day.

And here is our precious Carita being held by her Great-Grandma Carita! Great-Grandma stayed with me and my husband at the hospital all day and got to see her little namesake come into the world...full of stubborness and spirit just like her!

I am needed here...

Sometimes I wonder if my boys like me, or if they just live for the moment that they see those ABUs walk through the door...DADDY! I know they love me, as I am their full time caregiver, but I believe that like and love are two seperate things.

In the time since I last posted we have had some very busy times in our house. I am trucking along in my third triemester in my third preganancy in three years (try to say that 10 times fast) and somewhere in my 35th week my body decides that contractions are ON! So, a trip to labor and delivery and a morphine shot later and I am on "contraction watch" until my 37th week when she has everyone's permission to make her entrance because then she's full term.

And, somewhere in there my husband gets told that he is no longer deploying for a year...so every plan on that end comes to a screeching halt! He still re-enlisted and I am so proud of him, but that means we are still in Oklahoma...exactly the place we planned on dropping like a ton of bricks! We were WANTING to move, and get away from this place! So, we are back on with waiting for the next set of orders...but you can bet I won't believe that it's gonna happen until he takes off, and even then I may not think it's gonna stick...something always happens!

But, now I am 37 and half weeks pregnant! Little miss can come on whenever she wants, and actually we were in the hospital the day before leap day because I was having contractions again...but here it is March 1st and the contractions have stopped, no leap day baby!

Our boys know something is up. McKinzie has been clingy, and his naptimes have been a fight. He wakes up in the night wanting to crawl into our bed, and his eating is up and down...McKinley is starting to want to cuddle, and I think he's teething...Somehow they sense that life is going to change, and their attitudes are a reflection of some sort of toddler anxiety.

Somehow they act like I'm going somewhere...They are hugging me more, and wanting to be cuddled all day. McKinzie has a big problem seeing me in hospital beds we discovered, and tells me very painly "up mommy" when he sees me in one. Somehow I am needed here!

I am their comfort. I am always here. And, as I told my mom today, I must appear very unbreakable in their young eyes. I am MOMMY! I make their food, and give them sippies...kiss boo-boos, and put on "Diego go-go". Kinda feels good to know that I'm not the person in the background...I am a part of their everything!

What made me think of this today was trying to get our boys to nap. I can say I am not in the best of moods....and neither are they...but in the middle of the third tantrum, there was calm. All I saw was my little boy, with tears in his eyes and I realized that what he needed was me! He needed to be held for a bit....my 40 pound baby needed to be rocked by mommy! So I did! I held him, and rocked him, and he just calmed....this is what being needed is!

My Valentine's Day

In our house V-day is not traditional....it's my hubby's birthday! I have made a very big effort towards making the day about HIM, and with that comes my question...when is MY Valentine's Day?

You know, a day other than our anniversary where everyone...including my husband...that they need to tell their spouse how much they are loved? A day where I answer the door and there's a bouquet where someone's head should be and they have to contort themself to see around it to tell me its for me...I don't think I'm going to get this...I want my husband to have a real birthday, but he loves saying that he "gets a free pass" on everything to do with that day. And technically he does.

One day I would like:

....A card from him that doesn't get lost (he lost the last one he bought me because he hid it so well he hid it from me AND himself) and that my mom or my sister doesn't have to remind him to get.

....a "gift", other than a pregnancy craving, that he had planned to get for me.

....a thought out meal, that was made by someone other than me, and I don't even know it until I get to the table.


I'm not upset because I choose to make his birthday special for him. I would just like a "valentine's day" of my own someday...