I really have been trying...
I have been praying this verse....daily for three weeks....
Last night I realized that it was in fact a verse from the Holy Spirit because someone who was praying for me confirmed that she kept hearing the same verse over and over while they were praying for me. She didn't even know how much I have struggled with worry...my husband hasn't even known.
Jeremiah 29:11
New International Version (NIV)
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
I have been praying this in the moments that I feel like I'm going to lose it...
When I argue with my husband about how much I dislike living in my Aunt's living room....
When I realized that we have been here for 3 WEEKS...
When I have to pull the couch out into a bed AGAIN, and sleep on a very well used pull out mattress 29weeks pregnant....
When we have to put the couch back, and put EVERYTHING we own back into our van so that people can actually walk around the living room or even find a seat...
When my two littlest ones have diarrhea because people are not used to being as diligent about checking labels, and they have gotten a hold of something that contains dairy....
When I can see the look on my family's faces when they realize that we still haven't moved out that day, when they get back from work...
When I do dishes or make food in someone else's kitchen, and I don't feel like I can do enough to not be any more of a burden than we are on them...
I want to cry all the time. My oldest son said he "hates this" yesterday, though I think he was talking about what my uncle was watching on the TV. I caught myself, mid-admonishment, and realized that he had heard the exact same thing out of my mouth when I was talking to my husband about our current situation.
I caught a glimpse of myself at church last night, and I look...haggard was all I could think at the time...I know I'm not sleeping well, or probably eating very much. If you ask my aunt I'm not eating enough, or taking enough time to rest. How do you rest when it feels like you have so much to do?
Jobs to find. Interviews to schedule. Husband to work. Kids to be fed and cleaned. Messes to clean up in a house with 11 people in it...4 of which can't do much to contribute because of their ages.
I'm ready for rest. Whatever that looks like I'm ready for it. But here we are, still waiting. I gave this verse to someone else the other day who was waiting on their husband to decide something that was important to them. I guess I was just warming up to use it for my family.
So we are still waiting.....
I have been praying this in the moments that I feel like I'm going to lose it...
When I argue with my husband about how much I dislike living in my Aunt's living room....
When I realized that we have been here for 3 WEEKS...
When I have to pull the couch out into a bed AGAIN, and sleep on a very well used pull out mattress 29weeks pregnant....
When we have to put the couch back, and put EVERYTHING we own back into our van so that people can actually walk around the living room or even find a seat...
When my two littlest ones have diarrhea because people are not used to being as diligent about checking labels, and they have gotten a hold of something that contains dairy....
When I can see the look on my family's faces when they realize that we still haven't moved out that day, when they get back from work...
When I do dishes or make food in someone else's kitchen, and I don't feel like I can do enough to not be any more of a burden than we are on them...
I want to cry all the time. My oldest son said he "hates this" yesterday, though I think he was talking about what my uncle was watching on the TV. I caught myself, mid-admonishment, and realized that he had heard the exact same thing out of my mouth when I was talking to my husband about our current situation.
I caught a glimpse of myself at church last night, and I look...haggard was all I could think at the time...I know I'm not sleeping well, or probably eating very much. If you ask my aunt I'm not eating enough, or taking enough time to rest. How do you rest when it feels like you have so much to do?
Jobs to find. Interviews to schedule. Husband to work. Kids to be fed and cleaned. Messes to clean up in a house with 11 people in it...4 of which can't do much to contribute because of their ages.
I'm ready for rest. Whatever that looks like I'm ready for it. But here we are, still waiting. I gave this verse to someone else the other day who was waiting on their husband to decide something that was important to them. I guess I was just warming up to use it for my family.
So we are still waiting.....
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