It's Morning Somewhere!

This week was hard on our family.  We had some sudden things happen and it threw us all off.  My husband is working through some things from his military service that are really a long process now that he's out and medical care is harder to come by.  Our youngest son will get an MRI tomorrow afternoon for a mystery knot on his bottom.  We need prayers if you please!

I used to be wary of asking for prayer for myself or my family.  Somehow I thought that God didn't want to hear from me like that.  I never saw prayer as integral to my life, let alone to my relationship with God.  Now my perspective is different.

If prayer wasn't important why would there be verses like this....Pray continually(1Thess 5:17)...I want men everywhere to lift up holy hands in prayer, without anger or disputing(1 Tim 2:8)...Devote yourselves to prayer, being watchful and thankful(Col 4:2)....In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express(Rom 8:26)

Prayer is the answer to our peace.  Peace...do you have it?  

I am busy, a wife, a mother, and completely human.  I am guilty of not making the time for the prayer life that I need or want. I also believe that prayer and study should happen together because you need to talk and listen...it is a mutual relationship after all, He wants to talk to you!   I am a work in progess, and slowly I am figuring out what I need to do to make all of this happen daily.

Something that I think has helped me figure a few logistical things out recently is people's honesty about their own quiet time and prayer.  More than one blogger I follow, and a man at our church even(who is a pastor too, but not over our congregation), has admitted to doing these things in the middle of the day or at night.  This was such a profound thing to me.  I had always thought that if I couldn't do it in the first hours of my day that I was a failure and didn't even try later....kinda like when you cheat on your diet a little, and then you throw in the towel.  This is not the case.

You know the saying, "it's 5 O'Clock somewhere"....I would like to think that no matter what time of the day it is where I am....IT'S MORNING SOMEWHERE!  So, grab your bible...and your coffee cup too, why not...and have your time with God!  Morning, after breakfast, nap time, break time, lunch time, after your husband gets home and you can steal a moment, after the kids go to bed, last thing you do before you go to bed.  Git'er done! 

I challenge you to find your time and do it daily for a week.  It doesn't have to be the same time every day, it just needs to happen.  I also ask that you would include my family in your prayers.

Love God, Love your Husband, Love your families
Nicole

The Unseen Mission field

  What do you think of when you hear of missions? Going to a foreign country? 3rd world living? Living with people who don't speak the same language as you do? It can be all of those things, but it can be a little closer to home too.

   I used to go to a little town church in Montana with my twin sister to help with vacation bible school. We did it faithfully for 6 years, until we got out of high school and had our lives take other directions. They called us their missionaries. We traveled to teach these little people about Jesus. It was a simple version of missions, and one that I had never considered until they called us that.

   I had forgotten this simple definition for a long time, until the other day when I was talking to my husband about marriage. I realized that a marriage should be your first, and most important mission field. It is a relationship born of God to mimic the relationship between God and the church. What greater mission do we have than to reflect Christ back to those around us by our interactions with our spouse?

   This is the unseen mission field. Unseen? I call it this because very few people are going to realize that you are ministering to them just by interacting with your spouse in an honorable and loving way. It is a relationship built into the laws of our nation, though we have a separation of church and state. It is also under attack in our nation in the name of 'equality', though it is an institution of the church.

   How do we work our mission field?
 
   Women-
    ....We love our husbands second only to God! 1,2,3 they are looking at me!...yes, the world is looking at you. The jokes you post on facebook about being the boss. The comparison to animals; dogs. Calling your husband a man-child(I also have to clean the clothes off the floor and the pee off the seat, but I do it because I love my husband) When you post that your children are your only reason to live in the entire world; your very breath each day.
   ....We honor them in our speech, mannerisms, and dress. Yes, I said dress. Dress to impress in public, dress to be stared at in your bedroom. Other men lusting after your body in front of your husband in front of him is not going to honor your relationship. I have chosen to dress in a more modest way, that I will mention in another post in the future.
   ....We are subject to them in all things. No, I am not advising a slave/master relationship, that would be ridiculous. There is a strength in letting another person lead, and an even greater strength when it is within a biblical relationship. If your husband is close to God, you do not have to worry that he will abuse this power. Our marriages are under attack, fight for your testimony, and treat it as the mission field it is.

 Love God, Love your husbands, Love your families
Nicole

Am I Giving My Best?

I work overnight at an assisted living that specializes in Alzheimer's care.  My job is to make that place shine.  Do laundry, clean, cook or prep for the next day's meals, and check on the residents throughout the night.  While I was working the other night, and cleaning and exploded mess out of the washer and dryer from an adult brief that got missed, I got to thinking about how I work versus how I am at home.

At work I am punctual, organized, pick up after myself immediately, and do everything on my "to-do" list that needs done.  I go out of my way to make sure that I get it all done, and that I get it done RIGHT.  Do I do this at home?  Short answer: Nope.  Reason: Nobody can fire me from this postion, right?  I thought about that for a while, as the only person there who was awake, and capable of deep conversation, was me.

Do I slack off at home because nobody expects the same things out of me that they do when I am working or serving in another way outside of my home?  We have heard the old song and dance of doing things as if the Lord were coming over to your house, but he was a man too at one point and he struggled with the laziness and lack of expectation that I do.  Do I think that a dirty house is going to be the reason that I don't get into heaven?  No.  Do I think that Jesus was not clean?  No, my point was not to assume anything about Jesus, but to point out that he knows our struggles from a first hand experience.

My heart was heavy knowing that my answer to my own question, "Am I giving my family the same level of effort that I do the place that I work?", was, No.  I am not giving my family the best of myself, my time, my effort.  I am using myself up everywhere else but at home, with the people that God has given me to take care of.  Now, how do I correct this?

I start expecting more of myself.  I don't take the clothing out the dryer unless I intend to fold it and put it where it goes, no matter what.  I do the dishes at every meal and put them away, even if it means that I have to wash and dry another piece of laundry, no matter what.  I find places for things in my home, and don't just throw it in our room when people are going to come over, that is not respecting my husband or myself or the place that we go to be alone together.  I make sure that I finish what I start.

It all sounds so simple, but when you have 4 babie.s running you all over the place, a husband in college full time, a job that means you have to carve out at least an extra 4 hours to get some sleep before that shift AND take care of the kids with no sleep because of the college bound husband....it gets very draining.  All I want is a giant nap...but I'm not going to get it.

This is a season in our life that I want to fast-foreward, so that we can go back to me being home with the kids and my husband being the one who works outside the home, but I don't know when that will be.  My kids and my husband need me now, not later, and I am going to work on giving them my best every day

What's Important?

Our first month of marriage, November 2008, my husband found out how important a vacuum was to me.  He didn't own one for his apartment...yes bachelor syndrome was rampant there, and I say that in the most loving way...and I hadn't gotten one as I had just gotten done working as a live-in nanny and hadn't needed to buy one.

The night we pulled into OKC and walked up the stairs I was greeted by pizza boxes, piles of clothes, packed boxes, and a furniture bare apartment.  We were expecting a couple, who were friends of ours, to meet us at our house to unload our U-haul, and I was panicked!  This place was quite messy, and even though it was only going to get cluttered by the things coming in from the truck I still felt they shouldn't be greeted with the things that I saw.  I got down to business, and got it somewhat cleaned up before they arrived.  My husband has never forgotten that day, or the month that followed while we waited for payday to get a vacuum.

I wouldn't say I was surly about the lack of a vacuum.  I improvised and actually swept the carpet with a broom to get rid of the pieces I could see, but with a dog and two adults coming and going it was starting to get discouraging.  Black Friday we were walking through Walmart, and my husband spotted a $28 vacuum, and it literally was the best present EVER!

I brought my present up to the register, and I literally was excited to be able to get that thing home and use it.  The cashier, a man, looked at this vacuum and said, "it's black friday and that's all you could get her?"  He didn't understand...but my husband did.  It was important to me.

So, for the second time in our marriage my husband has looked at what is important to me, and today he walked through the front door with a brand new vacuum!  Our other one had decided to burn up 2 days ago, and I had not made any plans to buy a new one because I knew we had other things we needed to focus on, not to mention I still had my broom and I could make do for a while with that if we had to.

Here was, not only a new vacuum, but the one that I had mentioned wanting to get when we could afford to.  I have a habit of getting the cheapest thing for myself, instead of the things I really want when I am left on my own to shop.  My husband is either much more practical than me, he always says "you get what you pay for", or more impulsive than me and is trying to make me happy.  I guess either way he has noticed what is important to me.

Men, I urge you to watch your wife as much as you need to be listening to the things she says.  Finding what is important to her is essential, and helping her get/do those things is needed.  It can be something as simple as making sure that she has a vacuum available to her at all times or picking up flowers for her when she seems to be having a bad day.  If you can't tell what is important to your wife I have some solutions for you.

#1-Ask her sibilings, friends, or parents for advice.
#2-Read the "5 Love Languages" book, you can find it at most book stores.
#3-Watch her when she is "busy" what does she pay attention to the most, other than the kids or you?

5 months after

It has been 5 months since we went from a military family to civilian life.  My husband floats between being grateful he got out when he did and being upset and a little bitter about the 8 years he spent serving.

Today after church he got a little gift.  A perfect stranger said a word or two to him as he was putting the carts away in the coral.  I couldn't hear the exchange from inside the car, but I knew the body language well.  The man asked a question, my husband perked up and answered him.  Then, the older man walked a few steps so he could shake his hand.  They continued to chat a bit, but I knew that man had just thanked and honored my husband for serving his country.  This is always a tear jerker for me.

I know what he and our family endured and sacrificed while he was in service.  The wounds, though not visible, are there.  The time spent away for training.  Missed family functions and birthdays.  The abuse at the hands of those who should stand up for the innocent.  All of these things are reality in military life.  But, being thanked takes a little bit of the sting from it.

I know the military helped shape this man I love, in good and frustrating ways alike, but he is now on the path to being the man he always wanted to be.  A patient, kind, loving, God fearing provider.  I now can thank the service for that...5 months after.  And, I have to say I love my man in uniform!

Seeking Perfection in an Imperfect World

I have been making a great effort to keep my sink shiny, thanks to the flylady.  I have been getting her emails for a couple years now and I admit that I never paid enough attention to the actual process until now.  I guess kid #4 was enough for me to realize that I had help to get my home in order, I just wasn't using it to its full potential.

She makes a point in several of her email encouragements throughout the day/ week, to mention our problem with "perfection" being the root of our mess making ways and getting so overwhelmed.  I didn't really dwell on that point until last night.  I had been keeping things caught up and I had let myself fall into my habit of filling the sink and not washing as I went.  By the time my husband got home from college it was FULL and my anxiety level was starting to get high.  My very least favorite thing to do in my home is dishes and my husband has been kind enough to acknowledge this and work with it...meaning I cook and he does the dishes when he comes home, but my goal is for this not to happen anymore.  He was busy when he got home, and then he had homework and reading to do, but I could feel myself getting angry that he didn't drop what he was doing and do the dishes for me.  I stopped myself right there!  Perfectionism, this is exactly when it finally dawned on me what she meant.

Perfectionism keeps us from fully engaging in relationships, trying new things, and embracing the unknown parts of life.  It causes us to be disappointed in our new job after only a week, because the honeymoon has worn off and now it's officially become work.   It keeps us from praising our kids when they make one good choice during a really hard day of bad decisions.  It keeps us from seeing our husband as the man we married, instead of "just like every other guy", after a few years.  It is a damaging force that we allow to give us a critical spirit.

"I'm not a perfectionist."  You may not be a true perfectionist, but everyone wants something to work the "right" way for them.  It could be that you want your kids to be more like so-and-so's.  You have a spouse who takes a lot of patience on your part, and you feel like you are always the one carrying the load.  Guess what?  This world is not perfect.  Brilliant, right? 

Give yourself, your spouse, your kids, and the world in general a little bit of room for imperfection.  Stop planning responses before you can even do them.  Stop giving yourself a license to be disappointed in so many things, and begin to see the blessings. 

I have been happier, and my family has been too, while I have been following my own advice.  I still have a ways to go to have my household nailed down but I am taking it an inch at a time, and I think that is how we handle imperfection...an inch at a time, to keep our expectation from taking over. I saw this quote, and though I am not familiar with the author I really like it.

1 month down

One month down. We are in our new state, and still staying with my great-aunt and uncle.  This is not where we thought we would be.  We thought our house in Oklahoma would have rented already, that one or both of us would have a full time job, we would be in our own space and waiting patiently for baby #4 to arrive and my husband to go to school in the new year.  Not one of these things has happened, other than waiting on the baby and school.

I know that my family is getting anxious to see us go to our own house, and if we could we would.  I certainly never thought that we would end up "homeless" and depending on others to house us.  It goes against my sense of independence, and my husband's, but our babies are the reason we are working through the frustration and feelings of failure.

We were told that rest is coming, a time of rest?  This would be very nice!  And this week the kids and I are at my mom's house while my husband is staying with my aunt so he can go to work.  Lots of fear and worry have come up in me that I have had to battle hard over the last 24 hours.  Fears of history repeating itself, and my brain either making up or noticing similar "patterns" to the former circumstances....you know what I discovered once I rebuked my depression?

#1 God is guiding our path- there are things happening that would not be able to happen if things had been different this last month.

#2 God blesses those who bless others- we are mandated to share our surplus in the bible...Hebrews 13:16, 1 Timothy 6:18, Luke 3:11, Luke 6:38.  There have been times since our marriage that we have been the ones to bless others, and I literally just realized that we are essentially getting it back in our time of desperate need.

#3 God is keeping His promises....this could take a LONG time to explain all of the ways he is keeping His promises to us

#4 I cannot live by fear- I can't hang onto things so tightly that I shove God out of my way.  I remember telling this to my husband early in our marriage and now I am having to swallow my own pills.

#5 Maybe God really doesn't want me to work outside the home-After countless times of being denied employment recently and LOTS of family telling me that they are starting to believe that I may not be destined to have a job outside of the home, I am starting to believe them.  It would be awesome to know what exactly I should be doing to contribute financially, if anything, though.  So, be in prayer that God would reveal it to me.